First Year Dance Moms – Perspective, Part 2
There is SO MUCH to learn being a new, first-year dance mom! You can minimize how overwhelmed you feel by keeping focused on what’s important, so I polled experienced dance moms to see what advice they would give to the new gals (respondents’ names are in parentheses after each tip). This is the second part of a set of ten tips for keeping a positive perspective when navigating the choppy waters of competition dance! For the first five tips, click here.
6. Avoid gossip and drama (Andi, Holly).
I don’t know how to break this to you, but…there will be drama and gossip at some point. And sometimes, the line between speculation/discussion and drama/gossip can get pretty blurry. Be honest with yourself when you’re engaging in these chats, and refer back to Tip #1 if you’re unsure.
7. Be accepting of your child’s abilities, and set reasonable expectations (Angela, Andi, Holly).
As hard as it is to believe sometimes, our kids really do care what we think (even if they roll their eyes at literally everything we say). So if you communicate some pie-in-the-sky expectation of them, whether it’s overt or subtle, they will feel like they have failed you when they fall short. Your child’s teacher knows their dance abilities best, so let the instructors set the bar for the developmental benchmarks.
You can still encourage your dancer to work on her goals at home, and provide whatever resources you can to help her along the way. And take the time to celebrate what your child does well (maybe she is the team’s Miss Congeniality, helping to boost spirits when morale is low), and point out how that contributes to the overall success of the team.
8. Don’t feel pressured to say yes to everything (Maria, Cyreeta).
Opportunities for “extras” can become overwhelming – Nutcracker auditions, private lessons, assistant teacher positions, solos/duos/trios, additional intensives, and all that jazz can come at you all sorts of fast and furious, and it’s tempting to say yes to them all. But don’t be afraid to take it slow; these will not be your child’s last chances to do anything outside of the requirements.
Plus, if you sign on for all of these extras at the outset of your child’s dance education, it will be very difficult to dial it back if your circumstances change in the future. It’s easier to turn a “no” into a “yes” than a “yes” into a “no.” So if you’re feeling unsure, don’t be afraid to turn it down (and don’t feel the need to apologize for your refusal).
9. Be your dancer’s biggest fan (Jennifer, Steph, Michelle).
Your child will be dealing with so many harsh critics throughout their lifetime, so don’t add your name to the list. Does that mean you should lie to your kid? Absolutely not; to do so would be to invite trust issues into your relationship, and that benefits no one. When my girls come off stage, I pick them up and hug them tight. Then they’ll usually whisper to me, “How was it, really?”
Even if it was her worst performance ever, hearing it at that moment won’t help her. Instead, I’ll say something like, “I cry every time you are on stage – watching you dance is like magic!” Later in private, if she asks me again, I’ll start with the positives and ask her what she thought. I take my lead from there, and suggest she work on the areas she identified as needing some help.
10. Enjoy every minute and have fun! (Amanda, Brittany, Lisa, Jill, Sarah, Rhiannon, Linda, Stacey)
This time will go so fast – everyone tells you that when your baby is first born, and you come to realize how true those words are. It seems like just a few years ago that I was juggling two newborns, but it’s been 11 years (and I still don’t feel qualified for this job, lol).
The same holds true for the entirety of their childhood – I remember bringing them to their first dance class at two years old, and waiting nervously in the lounge to see how they would do. As stressful as they are, every competition, rehearsal, convention, etc. brings a new wave of nervous anticipation; with COVID having wiped out our whole season, it’s renewed my perspective on how much dance is woven into the fabric of our lives.
Work Hard, Have Fun
Whenever my girls get out of the car for class, I say, “Work hard! Have fun!” to reinforce that the two things (hard work and fun) can go hand in hand, and are not mutually exclusive. Participating in dance should not induce panic and dread; if that’s the case for your dancer, some changes should probably be made (sooner rather than later). At the end of most days, I’ll ask the girls what their favorite part was; almost always, they answer something related to dance. That’s how I know they’re having fun, and enjoying the results of the hard work they invest into it.
First time dance moms, you got this! Just keep a cool head, focus on what’s important, and your family’s experience with competition dance will be a treasure trove of cherished memories for years to come!
Thank you to all of the terrific feedback from the dance moms that weighed in to help me create this post! I am forever grateful for all of the help and support.
Work hard, have fun! – Danielle
More First-Year Dance Moms posts – Sharing the Load, 7 Practical Tips and Perspective, Part 1
23 Comments
Holly
What a fantastic post.. gat tips and advice for those moms that are struggling with their first years in the dance world!
Kristin
I love the collaborative effort with other moms here. Together you all compiled great, practical parenting advice that applies to things way beyond the dance world.
Sabrina DeWalt
I was a football mom. This is good advice for that as well.
Beth Shields
Such great suggestions. And I would think it easy to get caught up in the competition and performance and then lose the fun. A lot of work. Thank you for sharing this.
Amy
Even though dance was never a part of my family, sports were and this all can apply just as equally. These are all great points. Being their biggest fan is HUGE with us! We have signs, tshirts, hats, their sports number and everything plastered everywhere when we arrive.
Bonnie
Great suggestions especially not feeling obligated to say yes to everything. It’s really hard to do this sometimes.
Sabrina
Yes, the time does fly but you are making lasting memories for your family. When they are all grown up there will be lots to laugh about. Thanks for sharing.
Debbie
Good advice to keep dance the main focus and enjoy!!
Alice
Great advice for dance moms!
Chelsea
Oh man… #6. Honestly, it’s one of the reasons I was so nervous to enroll my daughter in dance. My husband and I played sports all of our life, but the culture around dance was different and worrisome for me. But being our daughter’s biggest fan was for sure the highlight. Seeing her have fun and enjoy the music and learning new techniques was heartwarming.
Suz
Great idea to get input from other parents. It sure looks like a lot of fun, and a nice community.
Lisa Manderino
Great Advice! That move is incredible!
Erica Pittenger
Excellent advice! It’s so easy to feel out of place and say yes to everything to “fit in”. Great post!
Tricia Snow
I love #6. Gossip is so destructive to any team.
Alyssa
Great tips to keep dance the main focus and your kids happy!
Barbara
Great tips for application in many different ways from dance to other team sports!
Suzan
great insights & one’s that could be applied to many other groups as well!
Alexis Farmer
#6 💯 this made teams I was on horrible when I was younger. Awesome read!
Maya
Great tips! This applies to any groups, sports or dance, enjoyed reading it.
Kendra
Perfect tips! We’ve been out of the dance competition scene for 6 years now, but I still have great relationships and regular get-togethers with so many of the awesome dance moms and now adult dancers!
Cindy Moore
Great tips! It’s so important to be their biggest fan. I call it bearing witness to what they do. Our kids don’t forget it.
Cindy Mailhot
I was a cheer gym mom which can be similar in a lot of ways. You have a lot of great tips in here.
Melissa Jones
Great info, especially the importance of accepting what your child can do.