First Year Dance Moms - Perspective, Part 2
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First Year Dance Moms – Perspective, Part 2

There is SO MUCH to learn being a new, first-year dance mom! You can minimize how overwhelmed you feel by keeping focused on what’s important, so I polled experienced dance moms to see what advice they would give to the new gals (respondents’ names are in parentheses after each tip). This is the second part of a set of ten tips for keeping a positive perspective when navigating the choppy waters of competition dance! For the first five tips, click here.

6. Avoid gossip and drama (Andi, Holly).

I don’t know how to break this to you, but…there will be drama and gossip at some point.  And sometimes, the line between speculation/discussion and drama/gossip can get pretty blurry.  Be honest with yourself when you’re engaging in these chats, and refer back to Tip #1 if you’re unsure.

7. Be accepting of your child’s abilities, and set reasonable expectations (Angela, Andi, Holly).

When I heard that Jocelyn had a needle in her solo, I sucked in my breath. After working hard, she was able to pull it off (and that leg became even straighter as she practiced).

As hard as it is to believe sometimes, our kids really do care what we think (even if they roll their eyes at literally everything we say). So if you communicate some pie-in-the-sky expectation of them, whether it’s overt or subtle, they will feel like they have failed you when they fall short.  Your child’s teacher knows their dance abilities best, so let the instructors set the bar for the developmental benchmarks. 

You can still encourage your dancer to work on her goals at home, and provide whatever resources you can to help her along the way.  And take the time to celebrate what your child does well (maybe she is the team’s Miss Congeniality, helping to boost spirits when morale is low), and point out how that contributes to the overall success of the team.

8. Don’t feel pressured to say yes to everything (Maria, Cyreeta).

Opportunities for “extras” can become overwhelming – Nutcracker auditions, private lessons, assistant teacher positions, solos/duos/trios, additional intensives, and all that jazz can come at you all sorts of fast and furious, and it’s tempting to say yes to them all.  But don’t be afraid to take it slow; these will not be your child’s last chances to do anything outside of the requirements. 

Plus, if you sign on for all of these extras at the outset of your child’s dance education, it will be very difficult to dial it back if your circumstances change in the future.  It’s easier to turn a “no” into a “yes” than a “yes” into a “no.”  So if you’re feeling unsure, don’t be afraid to turn it down (and don’t feel the need to apologize for your refusal).  

9. Be your dancer’s biggest fan (Jennifer, Steph, Michelle).

Baseball Cap - J&J
Luckily, my girls got a kick out of this hat I made for myself (they’re not teenagers yet, so they weren’t mortified)!

Your child will be dealing with so many harsh critics throughout their lifetime, so don’t add your name to the list.  Does that mean you should lie to your kid?  Absolutely not; to do so would be to invite trust issues into your relationship, and that benefits no one.  When my girls come off stage, I pick them up and hug them tight.  Then they’ll usually whisper to me, “How was it, really?” 

Even if it was her worst performance ever, hearing it at that moment won’t help her.  Instead, I’ll say something like, “I cry every time you are on stage – watching you dance is like magic!”  Later in private, if she asks me again, I’ll start with the positives and ask her what she thought.  I take my lead from there, and suggest she work on the areas she identified as needing some help.  

10. Enjoy every minute and have fun! (Amanda, Brittany, Lisa, Jill, Sarah, Rhiannon, Linda, Stacey)

Even though it was 4:30 a.m., Jocelyn was all smiles on this competition day!

This time will go so fast – everyone tells you that when your baby is first born, and you come to realize how true those words are.  It seems like just a few years ago that I was juggling two newborns, but it’s been 11 years (and I still don’t feel qualified for this job, lol). 

The same holds true for the entirety of their childhood – I remember bringing them to their first dance class at two years old, and waiting nervously in the lounge to see how they would do.  As stressful as they are, every competition, rehearsal, convention, etc. brings a new wave of nervous anticipation; with COVID having wiped out our whole season, it’s renewed my perspective on how much dance is woven into the fabric of our lives.  

Work Hard, Have Fun

Whenever my girls get out of the car for class, I say, “Work hard! Have fun!” to reinforce that the two things (hard work and fun) can go hand in hand, and are not mutually exclusive.  Participating in dance should not induce panic and dread; if that’s the case for your dancer, some changes should probably be made (sooner rather than later).  At the end of most days, I’ll ask the girls what their favorite part was; almost always, they answer something related to dance.  That’s how I know they’re having fun, and enjoying the results of the hard work they invest into it.

First time dance moms, you got this!  Just keep a cool head, focus on what’s important, and your family’s experience with competition dance will be a treasure trove of cherished memories for years to come!

Thank you to all of the terrific feedback from the dance moms that weighed in to help me create this post!  I am forever grateful for all of the help and support.

Work hard, have fun! – Danielle

More First-Year Dance Moms posts – Sharing the Load, 7 Practical Tips and Perspective, Part 1

Dance-coach-turned-dance-mom to identical twin competitive dancers!

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