Time to Say Goodbye, Part 2
In the second of this two-part series, experienced dance moms continue to offer their wisdom to help us identify the signs we might not be willing to see on our own. If any of these sound familiar, it might be time to look at other options for your child’s dance education. For the first set of signs, please read Time to Say Goodbye, Part 1.
The staff is not educated or does not continue their education (Danielle)
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. If the owner is not seeking educational opportunities for his/her staff, what message is that sending to their dancers? Even the most seasoned professionals will continue to take technique classes to keep their skills sharp, so staff members should be encouraged (if not required) to pursue new certifications or “level up” within an established skill. With so many virtual classes being offered now, there is really no excuse to sit back and let a skill set languish. If the owner/director isn’t pushing her teachers to excel, that speaks volumes as to how committed she is to the advance the reputation of her school.
Your goals don’t align (Carianne, Linda, Shana, Heather, Melissa)
Before your dancer joins a school, consider what she/he is hoping to get out of the experience. Is your family looking for a fiercely competitive school? If so, a studio that only participates in a few competitions, is lenient with attendance, rehearses little, etc. would likely frustrate more than satisfy you. Conversely, if you’re looking for a more casual commitment, it doesn’t make sense to choose a school with an intense curriculum, jam-packed schedule, and high expectations. Also, if your dancer is focused on specific genres, the school you choose should provide solid instruction in them. For example, a rhythm dancer (tap, hip-hop) will feel unfulfilled with a jazz/lyrical-centric curriculum.
Your child feels neglected (Carianne, Jennifer, Janet, Kristen)
With this one, you need to be careful. Sometimes, kids perceive things differently than what the reality of the situation would dictate. But if your child is consistently reporting to you that they feel overlooked or unappreciated over a long period of time, there is a valid reason. After these talks, you can discreetly jot down notes about the specifics so that you have something concrete to bring up with the studio owner; a good one will want to know what is going on, and will try to connect with the dancer to bring her back into the fold. If your concerns are dismissed with little regard, it might be time to start looking elsewhere.
You fear the repercussions to your dancer (Jennifer)
Do you avoid bringing up legitimate issues to the staff because you think they might take it out on your child in some way? After a contentious chat with a parent, an unprofessional teacher might vent their frustrations to the dancer in question. Or worse yet, they might “punish” the child in some way (taking away a featured part, over-correcting in class, hurling insults, etc.). These are signs that the staff is just not equipped to deal with the situation, and might plant doubts in your mind about the professionalism of the studio.
Lack of growth (Andrea, Angela, Amanda, Tris)
If your child’s skills aren’t increasing as time goes on, the reason needs to be investigated. There are instances in which a child just isn’t applying the corrections he/she has been given, has simply lost their passion and drive, or another reason that is specific to the dancer. But if the team as a whole does not seem to be improving from year to year, that’s a red flag that should not be ignored. Children delight in mastering a new skill and take pride in their newly acquired accomplishments, so depriving them of those opportunities is detrimental to their growth (both as dancers and developing young people).
Growing pains (Jamie, Sara, Michele, Jenny, Gina)
Sometimes, a dancer will simply outgrow a studio. In many cases, there is really no fault to assign to any party in this situation; the child is no longer being challenged by the instruction that the studio is able to offer, and his/her needs will be better met elsewhere. If this is the case, have a polite, respectful chat with the studio owner. In a perfect world, she will understand and wish your dancer all the best. In an imperfect world, be prepared to meet with resistance, indignation, and possibly anger; simply thank them for everything they have done for your child, wish them well, and end the conversation.
In the end…
In most instances, the decision to leave a dance studio is one that is fraught with emotions. Rather than waffling back and forth with a “should-we-shouldn’t-we” discussion that drags on endlessly, make the decision and firmly stick with it (one way or the other). Going back and forth will ultimately lead to second-guessing, and agonizing over what may have been. That will do no one any good; if you decide to leave, cut the cord and don’t look back. Be respectful and polite, and refrain from bad-mouthing your former studio. Expect that the transition to a new dance family may take some time, so don’t reverse course prematurely if things seem bumpy at first. Also, resist the temptation to fall in love and profusely praise the new studio over social media; this may be a temporary “honeymoon phase” of sorts, so give it time to get a truer sense of how things will play out.
I would love to hear from someone that has transitioned to a new studio (whether your experience was positive or negative)! Please email me at thedancingdancemom@gmail.com if you are interested in sharing your story.
So, you’ve decided to leave your studio. Now what? Take a look at How to Choose a Dance School for some insight!
Need some perspective? Check out our advice for dance moms, starting here for our First Year Dance Moms series!
Work hard, have fun! – Danielle
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26 Comments
Magan
You offer great insight, many of which can be applied to numerous things outside of dance, as well.
Alyssa
Great post, I like that you pointed everything out plain and simple. Your overall truthfulness I’m sure is very helpful to others going through similar situations. I love that you even say don’t bad mouth your former studio or praise the new one. It is so easy to do that with anything.
Alice
Neither one of my kids were ever interested in dance but they played sports. These great rules can apply to any activity children (and adults) are involved in. Thank you.
Beth Shields
Great insight into how you are helping your daughters. Good thoughts on what to watch and make sure things are as they seem but also great cautions for folks who are parenting. This can apply to so many things in life. Thanks for sharing.
Holly B
This is well written and so important in what could be very emotional for all parties involved.. and you are right the children should be the focus, even if they don’t agree with the parents!
Kathleen
I think this is really important for any activity that our kids are involved in. It can be easy to get wrapped up in things and forget that our kids are what are the most important thing! Thank you for your insight
Christina Siwik
It is always important to put the children first. Too many people forget this. Thank you for sharing.
Sydney Delong- Eat Simply Sweet
Great points! I would have never thought about teachers in the studio continuing their education, but it makes perfect sense that they should, and a studio that doesn’t do that may not be the best fit
Sabrina
I don’t have any children that was interested in taking dancing lessons. I had no idea there was so much to consider. I will pass this along to family members that are currently going through this. There are great pearls of wisdom here. Thanks for sharing.
Megan
It’s got to be so hard starting over with a new studio, let alone finding a new studio that works! But it’s so important that the child feels safe and valued!
Elaina
Great insight and things to look for. I would of thought the continued education would be expected in most studios.
Keirsten
This is super insightful. Going to send it to my gfs with kids in dance.
Stephanie
My daughter doesn’t dance but she does play competitive softball and can definitely relate to this
Laura
Great examples. Change is hard, but often necessary. Providing the best opportunities for your kids isn’t always easy.
Lisa Manderino
This is a tough decision but when the time comes it probably will be for the best.
Tiffany
I like how you point out that sometimes one’s perception may not be what the reality is but that you should pay attention to get a better idea of what’s going on. Helpful for many situations!
Barbara
Putting your children first must always be the focus otherwise what are you doing it for? Yourself?
Tricia Snow
This is really great advice. I am glad to see there is a resource for this type of thing. I think it is hard to make this transition.
Chelsea
These are all great reasons to consider whether or not we should keep our kids in their dance class. Our daughter was so influenced by her teacher, so a lot of her experience depended on what kind of person the teacher was.
Suzan | It's My Sustainable Life
Such great, straight-forward advice for dealing with what can often be a sticky situation at best!
Sandi Barrett
So true, it is all about the experience for the kids. They should come first.
Marianne
You bring up a lot of good points to consider. I agree that keeping things neutral (not slamming the old place and over-praising the new) is important, even just to help the child transition better. They may be upset about leaving the old place, and what you say as a parent, may either make the situation better or worse.
Lisa S
Children first is very important!
KENDRA
Well stated. We ended up staying at our studio the entire time, but there were definitely situations that arose that made us really consider leaving from time to time. Some of their teammates did choose to leave.
Melissa Jones
It’s for a good reason, but it can still be so hard sometimes!
Cindy Moore
Change is hard and yet often necessary for the next part of the journey to unfold. Best wishes!