TikTok – Yeah, I Caved…

Ah, the good ol’ days of our childhood…when you were fine as long as you didn’t talk to strangers or drink Drano.  During the summer, I left the house in the morning with $5 in my pocket (maybe), wandered around town with my friend Tracy for the entire day, and came home only when the streetlights were turning on.  My parents would casually ask what I did all day and, with perfect preteen attitude, would mutter “nothin’” with a roll of my eyes and a sigh.  Truth be told, Mom and Dad had no clue where I was, who I met up, or what I did.  So many of us had a similar childhood, right?  

The Game Has Changed

Boy, has the game changed in the span of a generation.  We parents are expected to intimately familiarize ourselves with all our kids’ friends and their families, structure and plan playdates and get-togethers, know what grade they got on that afternoon’s math test, install and monitor apps to track their whereabouts, and be on top of their electronic usage.  No sweat, right?  Ugh…

My girls have phones, but they have no phone number (so they can’t call or text).  With WiFi, they can basically use any app that’s out there.  And for some time now, they have been BEGGING me for TikTok.  

At first, it was a hard no from me.  Early on, I’d read that TikTok was the app of choice for creepers, so my first impression was not a good one.  Also, it just seemed like a ridiculously silly waste of time.  If there’s one thing I don’t want my girls to be, it’s vacuous, empty-headed space cadets.  So why give them an excuse to fall down that rabbit hole?  With a “mom-itored” Instagram account, I felt like my girls had enough social media in their lives at the tender age of eleven anyway.

Straddling the Fence

But boy, were those girls persistent.  Once the stay-at-home phase of the pandemic started, they started hearing more conversations among their friends about the stuff they were doing on TikTok.  Not surprisingly, they began to feel left out and isolated (during a time when the entire country was already feeling isolated).  One random night, both girls each wrote a fairly well-crafted persuasive paragraph to me, and my Language-Arts-teacher-self couldn’t help but beam with pride (inwardly, of course; I couldn’t show them that they had found a chink in the armor).  They wrote about how responsible they were, that  they would be totally fine with me monitoring the account, how they knew they would lose the privilege if they did anything stupid, and how it could help them keep on top of the latest dance crazes.  Needless to say, I was impressed.  Their arguments were mature, well thought-out, and organized.  But still, I said I would think about it.

When I told the girls I would have to do research before I made a decision, you would think I told them we were going to sell the family dog and all of their personal possessions while shaving their heads bald.  You see, a “let me think about it” from me usually means “heck no, but I want to put off this difficult conversation right now.”  But I think I shocked them both when, two weeks later, I told them to go ahead and download TikTok.  

Change of Heart

What changed my mind?  In reality, it was a combination of factors.  The global pandemic had something to do with it; they were already feeling somewhat lonely and cut off from their school and dance friends, and I felt like it would be a fun way to maintain those connections.  That sense of togetherness is an important consideration, and should not be thought of as unnecessary; at this point, we might very well be facing a national mental health crisis once the dust settles, so it makes sense to minimize our kids’ feelings of isolation and do whatever we can for their well-being right now.

In addition, my girls have consistently demonstrated how responsible they are (for the most part).  Sure, they leave their dirty laundry all over the house (maybe it’s a Hansel and Gretel thing, so they can find their way back).  And yes, they occasionally forget to mention when they need something for a school project (“Uh, Mom, I need a box of 250 flat toothpicks before school starts in 45 minutes”).  But other than that type of pre-teen stuff (oh Lord, they’re pre-teens!), they’re great young ladies.  They earn pretty good grades, keep up with all of their dance commitments, help around the house, and are genuinely good-hearted, sweet kids.  

Mom-Monitored

As a condition of having a TikTok account, the girls didn’t even question it when I told them that I would have the app also and would be actively monitoring their account.  Honestly, they didn’t even bat an eyelash.  My guess is that they were used to it because of the Instagram account I created for them, so they completely expected it.

As I was about to give the other conditions for keeping the TikTok account, they were practically talking over each other to fill in the blanks for me.  “We promise that we won’t watch videos with sexy stuff in them.”  “We won’t answer messages from people we don’t know.”  “We’ll get your permission before we post anything.”  I couldn’t help smiling, proud that they knew and accepted that they would need to demonstrate maturity and common sense in order to keep the app.

Use It Wisely

Since the first day they downloaded it, they have been having a blast.  I must admit, I’ve used it as an incentive for them to get their school work done at a quicker pace, and to entice them to pick up extra chores (“You can have TikTok time as soon as you’re done with…”).  Of course, I’m going slightly insane with the notifications hitting my phone (since I’m on the account, I get them all); I haven’t checked out all the settings yet, so I might be making some adjustments in the near future.  As with anything new, I’m adopting a “take-it-as-it-comes” attitude and learning as I go.  It remains to be seen how much TikTok will be a part of our lives, but for now, it has its place and purpose.

Work hard, have fun! – Danielle

It’s not always easy to allow our kids the space to spread their wings, but I was forced to step back a bit during a block-scheduled event in 2021. Read On Their Own for more!