On Their Own
When a dance mom needs to step back, her daughters learn to step up.
As we all know, the coronavirus pandemic has significantly impacted the dance competition structure that we were all familiar with. One of the major changes involves the scheduling of studios into “blocks,” which essentially means that only one studio at a time will be performing (for more on this format, see The Pros and Cons of Block Scheduling, Part 1). With that, there are restrictions in place regarding the maximum capacity allowed in the dressing rooms. As a result of that change, we junior dance moms were not allowed in the room during our only group competition this past August. Instead, one teacher and one team mom per room would be running the ship for our juniors, teens, and seniors, and the girls would be responsible for managing the quick changes, makeup touch-ups, and hair fixing on their own.
At first, this news shocked me to my core. After all, my girls are only 11 years old. They would literally be the youngest kids in that dressing room, and I have always been there to manage them during every dance event. So it was natural that I was very apprehensive and nervous about leaving them on their own. I called them over, making sure to compose myself before I broke the news and fully expecting some degree of anxiety on their part.
Their reaction was not quite what I expected. They looked at each other with raised eyebrows, and seemed a bit (dare I say this) EXCITED by the prospect of being given this awesome responsibility! They began chatting happily as they walked away.
I was gobsmacked and, to be honest, a little hurt by how dismissive they were of my role in their competition day. How could I be so easily cast aside, after the blood, sweat, and tears that I’ve poured into them over the years? How could my involvement and hard work mean so little to them now (okay, I’m being just a TAD dramatic here)?
But after a while, I made peace with the fact that they seemed comfortable and capable. After all, what parent doesn’t want their child to be independent and confident? So even though I was feeling a bit like a used, discarded tissue (the kind that’s filled with snot, not tears), I resolved to keep them from seeing my nerves and self-pity.
The Big Day
The morning of the competition arrived, and I got up at 3 a.m. to make sure we had everything in place. I had done their hair the night before, which is a pretty big gamble considering that Thing One thrashes around in her sleep like she’s wrestling a rabid honey badger. After checking her ‘do and only needing to make a few minor adjustments (my first shock of the day), I checked Thing 2 and did the same. After a quick breakfast, we turned our attention to makeup application. Over the years, I have given my girls the tasks of applying their eye and lip primer, foundation powder, eyeliner, and blush on their own. After they had finished, I applied their eyeshadow, glitter, and lashes. Then we briefly went over how to do touch-ups with their makeup as needed. They have a large mirror that hangs from their Dream Duffel, so I knew they would be able to check themselves (so as not to wreck themselves). I reminded them of where all the hair supplies were, and quickly showed them how to tame loose flyaways. They already knew most of this, so by the time my little tutorial ended they were pretty impatient and wanting to get going. We packed up and headed down to the competition venue.
Upon arrival, we met up with the rest of the team outside the designated dressing room. Confident and excited, my little ladies waved to me as they headed inside. Once the doors closed behind them, I felt a bit lost and without purpose. I really did not know what to do with myself for the first couple of minutes. Then I remembered that the venue had a Starbucks, so I headed down that way. My girls now have cell phones, so I knew they would be able to contact me if the need arose. Plus, the team mom had my information (as did all of the other adults in charge). A feeling of relief washed over me as I ordered my caramel latte, confident in the knowledge that my girls’ needs would be covered even though I wasn’t there to tend to them myself.
Fast forward to the end of the day…guess what? I needn’t have worried after all (you guys were probably predicting that all along, so kudos to you). My girls were absolutely fine, and didn’t miss a beat. Also, they felt like “big girls” without having their dear old mom there. Deep down, I knew they would be okay; they’ve been on the competition team since they were five years old, so they know the ropes. Plus, they’re pretty responsible kids (for the most part), and this was a big step for them.
My little women are growing up, and I hope that they know I’ll always be there for them (even if they don’t think they want me to be).
Work hard, have fun! – Danielle
For a more whimsical view of my internal struggle, take a look at Not a Care in the World!
To read about our only group competition this year, go to The Greatest Show, Part 1 and The Greatest Show, Part 2!
Not a Care in the World
23 Comments
Lisa Manderino
I was sad when I wasn’t allowed backstage for ice skating competitions so I usually ended up volunteering so I could be1
Holly
It’s so hard to step back anytime in our children’s lives, but this is amazing to see what a fantastic job you have done, and at only 11 years old! Congratulations Mom!
Alyssa
Aww poor mom!! I’m sure your girls still need you but as they get older you may feel like they don’t but trust that they still do. At the end of the day who really doesn’t want their mom around? It’s just the teens in them, they’ll come back to you! Lol I still look to my mom and I’m over 30!
Megan
That’s a big change from having you back there with them, and it sounds like they did wonderful when they needed to step up!
Sydney Delong
They grow up so fast! But you taught them well, and it’s fun to see their excitement at independence!
Beth Shields
Though hard that your daughters are stepping up, you must be proud of them as well. And it will take time as you continue to help them be successfully strong and independent – so they will still need you very much. Great job.
Kristin
It’s hard to let go!! Every mom comes to that realization sooner or later that our kids want to be independent. I struggle with that, too.
Suz
Such pretty girls! Are they twins?
My 2 daughters were in Girl Scouts; they had to do every single thing: deciding what activities and trips to take, planning them, raising the money, purchasing the materials, and executing the trips. Great for map-reading skills, planning, budget + finance, and implementing.
The girls in the troop are now around 30, and constantly tell me how much they appreciate all they learned, and how it’s impacted their lives.
Independence makes for strong women. 👍
Ashley Pacheco
Aw, how fun for your girls! And good for you for seeing a positive even though you were disappointed you couldn’t be back there with them.
Sabrina DeWalt
I have shed many a tear over the independence of my boys. When I was beside myself after dropping the first one off at college, a good friend reminded me that his getting to that milestone was proof that I did my job as a parent. That may be true, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less when we realize that they don’t need us like they used to.
Debbie
So many adjustments. Sounds like you all are handling the twists and turns well.
Adrienne
It is a bittersweet time for sure. But they’ve built up their talents with a strong foundation that you have set! They will do just great <3
Melissa Jones
It’s a good and bad problem to have. It’s sad you don’t have as much time, but good that they are growing and becoming more independent.
Chelsea
Wow. I totally feel ya. I’d be so anxious and I’d be expecting my kids to be anxious, too! How impressive that your kids handled it the way they did (and that you saw the independence there). My kids are still young, but I imagine I’ll get there soon, too! Good job mama. 🙂
Pamela Martin
Kids grow up so fast these days. Great job to mom and girls.
Suzan | It's My Sustainable Life
They know 🙂
Bonnie
It’s such a bittersweet moment. I know exactly how you feel.
Marianne
Its so hard to step back and let our kids navigate for themselves! Definitely bittersweet! Sounds like you are doing an amazing job with both letting the kids take care of business, as well as being ok with letting yourself do that.
Beth
I’m so glad the day turned out well. I’d have been terrified too, and sure they would need me. 11 is so little!
Sandi Barrett
Preparing them for moments like this are bitter sweet, we want them to need us, but yet be independent. They look adorbs.
Alice
The time every parent fears, letting the kids do it on their own. I still struggle with this even though my kids are 22 and 23 years old. Today my oldest bought a new to him car without me or his father there. He’s turning into an adult! Scary!
Barbara
So nice to see them dancing and competing! They look very confidant!
Cindy Moore
Hard to step back but it looks like you’ve prepared them well! They look amazing.