Dropping the Bomb
Dealing with the Disappointment of a Canceled Dance Season
**See bottom of post for the update!
My girls’ dance team did not do a single group competition this year (thanks, COVID-19). At the end of February, they competed their new solos for the first and only time at a live event. Looking back, I’m happy that I went with my gut and registered them for that one; otherwise, they would not have seen the stage all year. But their group numbers never saw the light of day, except for the virtual recital (while it was better than nothing, it just was not nearly the same experience). Like thousands of dancers across the country, the 2020 dance season was almost nonexistent.
We were scheduled to compete at Nationals in Ocean City, Maryland, towards the end of July. When competition companies began revamping their events so they would be more pandemic-friendly, one of the major changes was that only one studio at a time would be performing. Our studio owner decided (and rightly so) that a three and a half hour commute for one day was a bit much, especially since the competition company scheduled a new event much closer to home (at a venue that was within the state, and just about an hour’s drive). This would be much more manageable and practical, so we began gearing up for that event. Rehearsals were added to the calendar, along with a dress rehearsal, while our state hosted other in-person competitions just the week prior. So the possibility that we might actually be able to take the stage became more real with each passing day.
About a week before the event, we got word that our governor had canceled it. Politics aside, I was livid; the other competition had just wrapped up the day prior, and I’m fairly certain that the venue it was held in was much smaller than the one we were scheduled for. In a last-minute development, our competition was moved to Mohegan Sun in Connecticut. For us, that’s about a three and a half hour drive. The dance mom group text started blowing up: Who was planning to book a room? How were the hotel rooms being sanitized? What precautions were being taken? Who was driving, and did anyone want to carpool? Our heads were spinning as we scrambled to adjust our plans.
The very next day, we got the message that we all were expecting (at least to some degree). As much as we had wished against it, the competition was canceled altogether. It seems that we would have been required to produce paperwork with negative COVID test results, contact tracing information, and other documentation that would have been impossible to pull together with just six days left. I stared at the message on my phone, the pit of dread in my gut becoming stronger and deeper as the realization sunk in that I would have to break the news to my daughters.
As I pondered how I was going to be dropping the bomb on them, a bit of divine intervention occurred. One of the girls’ teammates sent them a message on Instagram, informing them of the cancellation. Jocelyn frantically yelled to me, “Mom, the competition is canceled!!” She and Jayden flew down the stairs and ran into my office, where I was waiting for them with open arms. I knew that it was my job, at this moment, to come up with something comforting to soften the blow. But I literally had nothing to say to them that would give them any shred of hope, something to latch onto to make everything just a little better. All I could muster was a pathetic, “I’m so sorry.” Struggling not to cry, they put their heads on my shoulders and drew in shaky breaths as they registered the meaning of what had just happened. Finally, a few tears escaped when Jocelyn burst out with, “I’ve been working so hard on my solo, and it’s gotten so much better!” Jayden sadly agreed; “Yeah, mine is way better, too.” I kissed their heads and whispered, “I know.” They shed a few more tears, regained their composure after a few minutes, and headed upstairs to their bedroom.
Looking back on it, I’m not sure if saying anything else was really necessary. They had a pretty solid crying session, vented to me about their frustration, and came to the realization (themselves) that life goes on. Yes, it’s wildly unfair; every one of our kids has suffered in some way. If you’ve found a silver lining that replaces the experience of a competitive dance season, you’re a more capable person than I am. As a parent in that moment, the only thing I could realistically do was give them a safe place to let out their feelings. In the real world (that’s where we supposedly live, right?), we often have to deal with disappointments for which there is no “making up.” There is no replacing this lost season, and my daughters have gradually come to terms with that.
I just wish that my girls, innocent as they are, had not been forced into such a sobering realization so young. They will be let down enough throughout their lives, and I am saddened to realize that it has already begun.
To read the update, go to Living in Limbo.
To read about the calm before the storm, go to Curbing Their Enthusiasm.
Work hard, have fun! – Danielle
Hair-Raising Experiences
25 Comments
Yvette Johnson
The upside is the community going through it all together. Great read. Thank you!
Holly
So sorry that you all are going through this! But seems that the kids are handling it okay because of how you handled it!!
Alexis Farmer
Aww I really feel for you guys on this 🙁 it’s gonna make it even more awesome to compete again though! ❤️
Lisa Manderino
I am tired of all the disappointments this year. I am hoping for a better 2021!
Maggie
So frustrating for everybody. My daughter FINALLY made the elite choirs last year at her high school, which she had been looking forward to for four years, but she never got to perform the second semester due to COVID. It’s never easy. But I for see great things for her for having achieved what she did and I am confident the same will hold true for your daughters as well!
Tricia Snow
I could not have imagined the disappointment of me telling my daughter no horse shows. This pandemic is seriously disrupting our kid’s lives! I feel the worst for the highschoolers who have limited time left in school.
Sabrina DeWalt
I’m so sorry they had to be disappointed by losing their season. My best friend’s daughter is in Cheer. She ended up getting Covid from one of the girls on her team at practice. Luckily, she is strong and is doing just fine, but it is very scary these days…especially with little ones.
Cas
Disappointment is something that every athlete around the world is dealing with and yes it sucks. But I would rather my kids be safe and healthy and deal with disappointment than be exposed. We have been finding new activities and travels to replace the sadness we all feel.
heather J jandrue
2020 has certainly been a year of disappoinments. My high senior missed out on everything and now has to spend his freshmen year remote. It stinks. The worse part, we can’t fix it for them. So sorry for your girls.
Charlene Hartley
The theatre community went through the same thing. My daughter had her first lead role and three other shows lined up or already rehearsing when everything shut down. My summer of stage managing ended. It was hard, but we had to find the bright side to it. She had more time to work with her acting coach and voice teacher, and I got time to visit my grandparents out-of-state. The arts will come back, but it may take a while to be normal again.
Chelsea
We’ve been talking a lot about disappointment around here with school starting in the form of distant learning rather than in person. We don’t have all the answers for them, but we can give them the love and listening they need to express themselves. Good job mama. 🙂
Barbara
That’s a lot of build up to a great disappointment. I feel your pain. College football has been pushed back to “maybe” a spring 5 game season and high school football has been canceled with maybe a spring season…such disappointment for these kids that have trained and worked so hard to prepare throughout COVID to build towards something…SUPER FRUSTRATING! Give your dance girls a hug from this football family.
Linda Egeler
This has been a really tough time, particularly for our kids. I understand the need to make sacrifices for the good of our community. Sure hoping this will be a bad year and next year will be better!
Alyssa
Oh how upsetting! I can’t imagine watching a child go through all the hard work and dedication to be stripped of the very thing they are working towards! So sorry you and your family had to deal with this frustration. One day they will have a competition and even though this year didn’t work out I’m sure their hard work will pay off!
Sara
Our kids are learning all kinds of valuable lessons this year, even ones we hoped to shelter them from until they were older. So sorry your girls have had to deal with such a big disappointment.
Marianne
This year has been so frustrating for so many people. My oldest graduated after four years in culinary school, and we all missed out on her grad. It’s especially disappointing when the kids worked so hard for something!
Cindy Mailhot
Oh that is so hard. I am sorry…
Suzan | It's My Sustainable Life
So sad that so many are experiencing such disappointments right now. On the bright side, what a learning experience for young children and young adults. Life does offer it’s disappointments.
Leeandra
Aww so sorry their show was cancelled, I’m sure they were looking forward to it.
Beth Shields
Really never thought of the impact on activities such as your’s until reading your posts. It strikes me what a blessing that your daughters have you to help process and navigate this. Thanks for sharing.
Amy
Seeing our kids disappointed is extremely difficult for us as parents. I would have wrapped my arms around them just like you. My son was suppose to join his first team sport this year and start kindergarten. Neither of which is happening and seeing his disappointment breaks my heart!
Michelle
I feel for your girls. My daughter was in her senior (final) competitive dance year. All 7 of our competitions were cancelled. High School grad was not as it should have been. She is on to (online) university now. Can’t get the year back, can just move forward.
Danielle
I am SO SORRY to hear this! I feel absolutely awful for the seniors. Wishing your daughter the best of luck in college and beyond.
Cindy
So many disappointments this year! I hope your girls can resume competitions next year. It’s the not knowing that frustrates my grandkids with their activities.
Angela
So sorry, so many disappointments this year for sure. My daughter has been doing theater for a few years, she fairly got a “part” and not just ensemble. She is still crushed she never got to perform. Take care!