Time to Say Goodbye, Part 1
For most dancers, the studio can become much like a second home. After all, they spend countless hours there, and lifelong friendships are formed within its walls. The kids share challenges and triumphs together, and very few people outside our world know what unbreakable bonds a dance family can form.
As a parent, we have a moral obligation to provide our children with learning environments that will support their growth, both as dancers and people. Many of us are lucky enough to have found such a place in the dance school we have chosen, and marvel as our children steadily evolve into the young men and women they were destined to become. But there are some dance families that aren’t quite so fortunate.
We parents can often perceive when something is off, even before our children explicitly tell us about it. If the dance school is no longer a source of growth and confidence for your dancing daughter or son, it might be time to move on.
But the truth is that it might be difficult for us to see the situation for what it is, as our judgment might be clouded by emotional responses instead of practical ones. Awhile back, I asked my Facebook followers to identify circumstances in which a dancer should leave his or her school. Their insights can lend some objective clarity to those that are in the throes of such a tough decision. Thank you to all of the contributors for their input!
Toxic environment (Louise, Sara, Tracey, Nikki, Amy, Jennifer, Karen, Kelly, Michelle)
This is a no-brainer, quite frankly. If any of the instructors tend to use screaming, humiliation, or degradation as a go-to tactic, it’s time for a frank talk with the studio director. No one (I’m looking at you, Abby Lee) should need to bully, embarrass, or harass a child to get the best out of them. If that is the M. O. of any teacher, he/she needs to go for some training (or be dismissed) immediately. A truly inspiring teacher will not need to rely on such abusive strategies to help the dancers reach their potential. If the studio owner/director refuses to correct the teacher’s behavior, it’s time to move on.
Politics set the stage (Christine, Laurie, Stephanie, Kellie)
Because dance studios are often family-owned small businesses, there will invariably be impacted by some degree of politics (maybe a teacher’s child is getting a disproportionate amount of attention, the child of a vocal dance mom may seemingly receive preferential treatment, etc.). A good studio owner will remain extra vigilant to make sure this doesn’t happen, but there may be issues that escape her attention. If there is a prolonged instance of studio politics driving the bus, and you’ve spoken to the owner/director about it without a remedy being applied, you and your dancer need to determine if you’re willing to accept working with those dynamics moving forward. Sometimes, the situation fixes itself over time, and sometimes it doesn’t. If the politics don’t impact your family enough to outweigh the benefits of that studio, you might consider staying; just know that you may be dealing with the politics for the duration of your time there. Let your dancer’s attitude guide you here as well; if he/she isn’t bothered, then staying might be an option. But if the drama is ever-present, consider other avenues.
You’re not getting your money’s worth (Carmen)
Let’s face it: Competitive dance is a very expensive activity. We dance families invest quite a bit (financially, time-wise, and emotionally) into the experience. If your studio is failing to provide the opportunities that you feel you have purchased, it might be time to look at other options. For example, if a studio does not provide intensives, master classes, community performances, and other experiences that go “outside” of regular classes, there may be another school nearby that does.
In some dance mom forums, I’ve seen some concerned parents vent their frustration about pre-teens and young teens teaching (not assisting) some of their children’s classes. While it’s fine for kids this age to assist, you might not be getting your money’s worth if the class isn’t headed by an experienced adult.
Read More: Time to Say Goodbye, Part 2
Work hard, have fun! – Danielle
It'll Be Okay, Maybe
30 Comments
Holly
What a tough emotional decision to make not only for you but your child! Thank you for sharing your story and advice!
Christina Siwik
Quite interesting. I never thought about it.
Georgette
Great advice for any global situation. Thank you for helping me with making a tough decision myself. Be blessed.
Alyssa
Great advice. Change is never easy but sometimes it needs to be done. As much as people may be comfortable with their current situations I think if something is broken it’s time to fix it, in the end those sort of situations will never resolve without change.
Sydney Delong
Those would make me want to leave the studio immediately. No child should have to deal with any of that, and there are plenty of wonderful dance studios to go to instead! Great advice
Maggie
So much of this well-written article would apply to other extra curricular pursuits like sports and tutoring, etc. Thank you for sharing it!
Tiffany Smith
Great points made- Things to consider even in jobs!
Debbie
What a tough decision! Sometimes you just know it’s time tho!
Beth Shields
So sorry but what a challenge. You have to be an advocate for your daughters. Good job mom. I appreciate how your posts are succinct and get right to the point and move to the next one.
Megan
It’s got to be stressful to find a new place, but you’re right. Not treating students with respect and politics are big red flags for moving on!
Kristin
I think it’s easier most times to stick with the status quo although that may not always be best. Change is hard, but the reasons you mentioned here are very valid. Watch for those red flags!
Bonnie
It’s always a tough decision to leave but sometimes it’s necessary.
Elaina Mogren
It can be such a tough decision, especially if they have a lot of great friendships but sometimes it is necessary if it is effecting them mentally.
Lisa Manderino
I experienced this when I was a kid in Cheer. I hated leaving but the politics were to much for my parents to handle!
Sandi Barrett
I love that you involved your readers. Getting your kids out of a drama filled atmosphere is always a good idea.
Chelsea
We actually experienced this a couple of years ago, but we actually decided it was time to leave because it was getting too competitive and expensive for us. Our daughter was 4 or 5 and just wanted to have fun. We weren’t interested or able to travel and do all of the shows. I felt like all of the practices were just preparing for the show rather than teaching them about dance. So, it was time for us to find something more our pace. But it was a hard decision for sure.
Ayesha Siddiqui
Such a difficult decision to make, both for the parents and the children — especially since you do spend so much time there. I think you’ve brought up some very valid and important points to make this vital decision.
Barbara
Parenting…the toughest job that drains you of total emotion as at the same time you have never felt more rewarded sometimes all in the same day!
Tricia Snow
I can not stand a toxic environment. The culture where you put your kids is so important.
Sabrina DeWalt
While these seem obvious, the emotional aspect can make it difficult to see what’s necessary.
Justine
This is great advice and applies well to any activities kids end up doing. The right environment is so important, not only to help nurture your child’s talent, but ensure they can still enjoy it.
Marianne
It’s sad when you are faced with toxic environments. We left our original gymnastics studio because it was more about the money than the students.
Kate
Well written and you hit on some good points!
Suzan | It’s My Sustainable Life
So true and applicable to any type of class situation!
Lisa S
Great advice, sometimes it is best to leave even though change is hard.
Melissa Jones
Been there done that! It’s no fun to be in that type of environment.
Maya
When it hinders rather than supports the children’s growth, it certainly is time to move. Tough but good choice.
Cindy Moore
Always a difficult decision but ultimately you know when it’s time to move on! My family experienced this when my oldest rode and showed horses. We started at one barn and loved it for a time. And then, not so much. The move to another riding facility made a huge difference in a positive way.
Ieshia
This last year has been stressful for me as a dance mom who has been at the same studio since my now 8-year-old daughter was 1 and a half years old. I just don’t see the growth in my child and it’s becoming a money pit. I have been investing in camp and master classes at other studios to improve my daughter’s skills. We have been invited to attend another dance studio and I have declined. This is our year to step out on faith and try out trial classes this summer.
Danielle
So sorry to hear that you and your daughter are having such a rough time. Wishing you all the best as you try out new schools!