First Year Dance Moms – Sharing the Load

As a new dance mom, you might be worried about the formidable load you are about to take on.  Make no mistake, you are going to be tested in ways that you have never even imagined (sorry to scare you, but I don’t believe in sugar-coating anything for adults).  But you can and will get through it, even if it requires a little help from your family and friends.  Resist the temptation to take on the burden entirely by yourself – allow your children to take some things off your plate, and lean on your dance mom tribe to help you get the rest done!

These tips from experienced dance moms were gathered from my Facebook page, so I have given them credit for their contributions (names in parentheses).  Thanks to all of them for their terrific ideas!

Teach your child to pack their own things (Tracy)

Anytime you can have your children assist you or do something themselves, you absolutely should.  I’ve watched older teenagers absolutely humiliate their parents for forgetting to pack something for them.  Lady, if you can have a driver’s license and a boyfriend, you can remember to pack your OWN tights!  We parents have enough responsibility, so delegate tasks whenever you can.  Checklists are a really great way to help your child learn organization and responsibility (you’ll probably want to double-check their work for a while before trusting that they’ve done the job thoroughly).  One of the best, low-risk ways to start is by having them prep for regular classes; forgetting their shoes for Wednesday’s lyrical class carries a lot less weight than forgetting them on competition day.  

Teach your child to do her own hair and makeup (Katherine)

In the spirit of teaching your child independence, have your young star begin to prep herself (or himself) as early as possible.  I’m not suggesting that you hand the makeup kit and hair supplies to your five year-old on competition morning and cheerily wish her “good luck” as you go for a Starbucks run, mind you.  Start small – applying primer to the eyelids, face, and lips is a low-risk way to begin.  Jayden was always especially twitchy when I would do her eyeliner, but became much less high strung when I gave her the task of doing it herself.  I also allow the girls to put their face powder on; having them handle all of this frees me up to put out other fires on hectic competition mornings!

Have another mom do your child’s hair and makeup (Amanda, Melanie)

I remember our studio director telling us this in my very first company meeting as a dance mom, and thinking, “Wait, what?!”  It turns out this can be very helpful for several reasons.  Tensions tend to run high on competition day, and your precious, darling angel knows exactly how to push your buttons from her many years of experience in her home environment.  So when you’re frantically yanking her hair to get it to behave (and you’re SO LATE already), she probably isn’t thinking about what she can do to make the situation better; her nerves will most likely get the best of her, and the anger and frustration will undoubtedly escalate.  Don’t feel guilty about tapping out and handing her over to another dance mom; your little demon will not feel as comfortable as she does with you, and may pull herself together so she doesn’t make a bad situation worse.  Plus, other moms may have talents you don’t (and vice versa).  For example, I have a tough time with our company hairstyle, but have a lot less trouble with lashes (so I do them for other girls).  We’re all there for the team, so find a dance mom “partner” to help you out in times of stress!

Lean on the more experienced moms to help you through (Amanda, Andi, Jennifer, Sarah, Tammy, Tahnee)

My first year as a dance mom was fraught with anxiety and a pervasive feeling of “I’m screwing this up royally.”  Even though I brought teams to dance competitions as a coach, that couldn’t possibly prepare me for what it was like to be on the other side (so I knew I would have a ton of questions).  There were six of us dance moms on our daughters’ team the first year they competed together, and four of us were brand-spanking-new.  So we bombarded the other two moms (they had daughters on the older teams) with all of our questions and concerns; they proved to be an invaluable resource when we were as nervous as long-tailed cats in a room full of rocking chairs.  Don’t forget that everyone was a first-year dance mom at some point, so most of the veterans are happy to help out!  

By distributing the responsibility load amongst multiple stakeholders, you are taking pressure off of yourself.  With a bit of the burden lifted, you’re freeing up some headspace to be able to focus on more important matters that only you might be able to handle.  Expect the unexpected (it will happen), so give out jobs whenever you can.  You’ve got this, dance mama!

For other titles in the “First Year Dance Moms” series, see FYDM – Perspective, Part 1, Perspective, Part 2 and 7 Practical Tips!

Work hard, have fun! – Danielle