Winning Streak

Ah, the Super Bowl.  The pregame ceremonies, the commentators, the cheerleaders, the commercials that fail to live up to the hype, the streakers…wait, what?!

Sometimes an intrepid (or drunk, whichever) young man or woman decides to literally take the field by storm.  Proudly parading themselves in various states of undress in front of a worldwide audience of millions, these streakers hope to gain their 15 seconds of fame.  But while the viewing public is clutching their collective pearls, gasping at a wholly inappropriate display that they can’t un-see, us dance moms don’t bat an eyelash.

We’ve Seen It All (Literally)

Why aren’t we perturbed by the sight of these bare cheeks, when those around us are shocked, scandalized, amused, or a bit of all three?  Well, it’s because of our experiences in the dressing rooms at dance competitions. Anything goes in here; it’s like a gross, sweaty, naked state of lawlessness and shamelessness.  Fearless teenagers march across their little area of the dressing room, clothed in nothing but their birthday suits, to ask a fellow dancer for some bobby pins or some other trivial request.  Typically, new dance moms go to great lengths to avert their eyes from these fleshy visions.  After some time, though, you just become used to it.  

Leotards and Wedgies

At dance events, many dancers don a tight-fitting leotard at some point (either as convention wear or a costume).  While these are stylish, versatile, and professional-looking, there is an obvious downside:  They tend to ride up when they’re not exactly the right size, exposing some major cheek-age. The dancer might feel uncomfortable and self-conscious as she feels the fabric lose its grip on her flesh, resulting in the ultimate wedgie.  The level of horror increases significantly if she is performing when this happens; dancers know that the show must go on, even if she finishes the number with a lower cloth-to-flesh ratio than when she started.

Butt Glue

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To combat this pesky problem, dance moms swear by a magical substance affectionately known as “butt glue.”  When I first heard about it, I clearly remember thinking, “There’s NO WAY that’s what it’s really called.”  But, lo and behold, I was wrong.  Don’t believe me?  Open up a tab in Amazon and type “butt glue” in the search field (go ahead, I’ll wait…).  See?!  And you didn’t believe me!  When I do it, the search bar auto-populates with “butt glue for dancers.”  So yeah, it’s totally a thing!  Basically, it’s a washable body adhesive that can be rolled onto the skin.  It provides a bit of grip, so the fabric has something to grab onto (rather than your dancer’s naked bum).  Some veteran dance moms even swear that toupee adhesive is a better alternative; quite frankly, I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet.  

In any event, the nutjob pictured above (Yuri Andrade) decided that he would make some quick cash by placing an online bet that there would be a streaker at this year’s Super Bowl.  To seal the deal, he donned his hot pink mankini and made it happen.  I suspect that showing his bum was part of his master plan; if it’s not the plan for your dancer, be sure to keep some butt glue in your dance mom bag.

For a major wardrobe malfunction that even butt glue couldn’t fix, read Lauren’s interview To Top It All Off, Part 1!