The Lost Season?

With more regional and national competitions being canceled each day, we dance parents are helplessly watching as the season evaporates before our eyes.  Some teams did not get to compete at all this year (us included), leaving many kids, parents, and instructors feeling robbed of the experience we expected.  If despondency and hopelessness are creeping in, it’s natural to wonder if this entire season should be written off as a loss.  

Saying Goodbye

The Seniors – This is a bleak prospect; for some, there is no recouping the season, no matter how positive a spin we try to apply to it.  The most significantly affected population is, arguably, the high school class of 2020. They are already making their plans for the fall – considering the offers they have received, announcing their decisions, finalizing logistical arrangements, and gradually saying goodbye to their childhoods while embracing the possibilities of their futures.  For most, there will be no do-over. They need to move ahead and, for a multitude of reasons, their studio teams have no place in their lives beyond this summer. The idea of not having a final regional, recital, or national to bring closure to their youth dance experience is a bitter pill for them to swallow.

New Interests – For others, this season was their last for other reasons.  Some children will leave dance behind for a new activity, especially older kids that want to join extracurricular sports or clubs.  The pull they feel from their school friends may become too strong to ignore as social factors become increasingly important during adolescence.  Plus, students in middle or high school generally get more exposure to a wider array of offerings than they did in elementary school, opening their eyes to new possibilities that may ultimately lure them away from the studio.  

Beyond Their Control – Some dance families may have been planning for this to be their last hurrah for still other reasons.  There is no question that dance is an expensive activity; many families need to cut the fat out of their already lean budgets (especially given the current economic climate), so it makes sense that dance would end up on the chopping block.  Divorce, relocation, and other circumstances could also result in this season being a dancer’s last.  

A Sense of Loss

While most of us greatly appreciate the professionals’ efforts, there is just no denying that this competition season is not what we signed up for.  For those of us returning families, we bought into this whole-hog; we knew exactly what we were getting into, and we willingly accepted the late nights, long drives, frustrated tears, frenzied pace, and all the other exhausting aspects that competition season brings.  For new families, it was a leap of faith made with the knowledge that there would be unexpected twists and turns to weather (nothing like this, of course). Our families signed on for our kids to compete, and the bottom line is that they just did not get to do that. Our expectations were dashed, and it is completely normal for your dancer (and you) to experience a sense of disappointment and loss.  

Rising to the Challenge

Around the world, studio owners and instructors have gone above and beyond to provide some degree of at-home training to their students.  Watching them embrace Zoom, Google Meet, Facebook Live, Instagram Live, YouTube, and other platforms has been nothing short of inspirational.  There is no doubt that many have done literally everything in their power to continue to deliver the quality instruction they pride themselves on delivering.  To write this season off as a complete loss can upset these dedicated professionals, and understandably so; they have invested countless drops of blood, sweat, and tears to get this off the ground for our dancers.  We must be mindful of the words we choose to discuss the current situation, and be sure that we give credit where credit is due. After all, our children are still learning lessons in discipline, teamwork, motivation, ingenuity, and grit, regardless of being physically removed from the studio and their instructors.

Resilience in the Face of Adversity

As parents, it’s important to let our kids know that there is no “right” way to feel about this season (I had a very wise psychology professor who said, “All feelings are okay.  All actions are not.”). If they feel sad and let down, that is completely understandable. Allow them to mourn, if they choose. After all, they have poured their hearts and souls into preparing for their moment onstage, and some of these will be forever lost.  However, allowing them to be consumed by their grief is a lost opportunity for potential growth.

It is also our responsibility to teach resilience.  Learning to overcome obstacles to formulate a fruitful “Plan B” is an important life skill that can only be born in the face of adversity.  Use this chance to guide them on how to capitalize on opportunities they might not normally be afforded (virtual classes in new genres, watching inspirational movies, reading a book about a personal hero, playing with siblings, learning to bake banana bread, etc.) to make the best use of their time and encourage them to grow as people and not just as dancers.  Our young men and women will undoubtedly face tough times, so let’s show them how to successfully navigate through this unprecedented period of history so they can apply the lessons learned to the rest of their lives.

Work hard, have fun! – Danielle

What are the “silver linings” your dancer has found during this trying time?