Let’s face it – competition dance is (mostly) the realm of women and girls. The vast majority of competitive dancers are of the female persuasion, and most of the parents sitting on the sidelines during convention classes are mothers. During picture days and dress rehearsals, the venue is overrun with moms helping their kids get dressed, coiffed, made up, and otherwise adorned. At company parent meetings, rarely can you spot a man among the throng of chatting ladies. And while many husbands are on the school’s email distribution list, doesn’t it usually fall to the mothers to actually open the messages and share the information with her family? So when we see a dad stepping in and grabbing the reins, it might take us by surprise.
In all fairness, some fathers may just not know what it takes to be an involved dance dad. They may feel intimidated by the sheer number of women (who may or may not be judging everything they do and say), or by the lack of proficiency in skill sets that are just second nature to the moms (makeup, hair, accessories, undergarments, and all that jazz). It might bring them comfort to know that there is no “right” way to be a great dance dad; as long as he is responsive to the needs of his dancing children, he really can’t go wrong!
Great dance dads:
Lend a hand (and boy, do we need help!)
- Run errands – Whether it’s dropping the kids off to class, dashing to local stores to buy much-needed supplies, or finding a java joint for Mama Bear’s coffee during an early competition morning (this one might be the most important), just having someone to hoof it around town allows us moms to attend to other matters.
- Mind the siblings – If there are non-dancing children in the family, they need to be looked after. Send in the dads! It’s so heartwarming to see these guys nimbly chase after runaway toddlers, bounce crying babies, and play catch with little brothers in the hallways. Knowing that our other kids are in good hands brings us moms peace of mind, and we are better able to concentrate our efforts where they are needed.
- Lift things up, and put them down – Cue the muscle-bound guy from the Planet Fitness commercial! Dance dads are often called upon to do the heavy lifting (literally). Benches, tables, platforms, chairs, and dance bags (my son has nicknamed our Dream Duffel “The Coffin”) that need to get lifted, loaded, stuffed, and otherwise moved are often transported by the men-folk. Most of us just kind of assume that, if there’s a man around, he’ll carry the heavy stuff. We moms really do appreciate it – taking care of the logistics allows us to focus our attention on our dancing kids. I realize that this seems a bit stereotypical, but it really is a load off (no pun intended).
- Build props and sets – If there’s an elaborate set or intricate prop to be built, chances are there’s a dance dad ready and willing to jump in with both feet to get the job done! He’ll plod through the design process, offer suggestions for improvement, identify and plan around potential roadblocks, and invest countless hours and buckets of elbow grease to create a finished product that matches the choreographer’s vision. One father from our team is literally building a stage for his daughters’ outdoor virtual dance recital! If your guy isn’t particularly handy, he can offer to assist the crafty dads (or bring them some beer).
- Channel their inner Martha Stewart – There are dance dads out there that help create vibrant posters for spirit events, sew and repair costumes, decorate cars, design t-shirts, and find other avenues to showcase their crafty craft skills (and often put mine to shame).
Take one for the team
- Show studio spirit – Great dance dads not only support their own kids, but they extend that encouragement to all the members of the studio. They also remember to represent the school with pride while treating dancers and families from other schools with respect and courtesy.
- Shake his groove thang – Every year, our recital features a “Dads’ Dance”! These volunteers start rehearsing a few months before the big day, and take the stage in each of our shows. They put in hours of work and preparation, and they never fail to impress. It is one of the recital’s highlights each year, and everyone eagerly anticipates the moment these intrepid fellows take the stage! If your school doesn’t offer a dads dance, it’s a great suggestion to make (just check with your husband before you volunteer his booty for shaking).
- Know when to hold ‘em – Even if he strongly disagrees with the studio’s decisions, rules, and procedures, a good dance dad knows not to discuss these hot-button topics with the staff in the presence of his children. In general, he accepts that the rules exist for a reason, and has no expectation that his child will be an exception to them (extenuating circumstances excluded).
Encourage his dancing child
- Bring it home – During the closures for the pandemic, many dance dads got right to work and gathered everything necessary to create an at-home dance space for their kids. Ballet barres fashioned out of PVC pipes, tap floors created with materials from home improvement stores, and full-length mirrors hung with care were built, bought, and strategically placed so their dancers could continue with their lessons.
- Get organized – If your child needs some lessons in organization and planning, Dad might be able to step in and get everyone on track. Teaching children how to make to-do lists, schedules, packing checklists, etc., shifts some of the burden off us adults, and gives our kids a measure of independence they’ll need later in life.
- Be an appreciative audience – When his child is practicing at home, a dedicated dad can just sit, watch, and shower his child with praise; this communicates to the dancer that he/she is worth his time, and that he values the passion and commitment of his child.
- Seize the teachable moments – If your dancer feels discouraged, a one-on-one chat with Dad about the importance of hard work, commitment, perseverance, and determination can set things right.
Demonstrate unconditional love and support
- Keep the Complaint Department closed – Loving parents know that every time children hear an adult complain about the financial, time, and effort costs of dance, it steals a bit of their joy and creates unnecessary feelings of guilt. A good dad knows when to to avoid venting, saving those conversations for when he can talk to Mom in private.
- Will JUST BE THERE – This one can’t be stressed enough. Kids know when they’re a priority, and when they aren’t. They’ll always remember that Dad was in the audience for so many of their performances, and will carry that knowledge with them through life.
Not all families have a dedicated man who is willing to consider himself an equally responsible partner in furthering his child’s dance education. If that’s the case for you, try to look for guys in your circle that might fulfill some of these roles (an older brother, a trusted uncle, a close family friend, etc.). My teenage son (the girls’ brother) attends many of their performances (even if he looks at his phone more than the stage, except when the girls are on). My daughter’s godfather has come to see them compete and brought them flowers, even hanging out after those long, drawn-out awards ceremonies.
And my fiance (who the girls affectionately refer to as their dance dad) not only attends performances, but runs errands for me when I’m overwhelmed. Jocelyn was very sick for an out-of-town convention near his house a few years ago, and he brought medicine, ginger ale, and a takeout dinner to the hotel (there MAY have been wine in there for Mom, perhaps). Having a positive male role model in their lives will positively impact your children’s development, so if there’s someone willing to step up, it’s worth a shot.
To all of the hardworking, loving, supportive dance dads out there – we salute you! Thank you for recognizing that parenting is a team sport, and your families need you to be a committed player. May your children always remember the sacrifices you have made for them, and may your bonds with them be unbreakable!
Thank you to the Kroll and James families for allowing me to use their pics!
Work hard, have fun! – Danielle
Great post and list of ways that dads can get involved! I’ve seen the dance dads at a year end recital one time and it was so much fun to watch the dads dance in one of the numbers.
I just saw that our dance dads will be doing a routine in our virtual recital this weekend, so I’m pumped! Thanks for commenting!
I love the photos. What an awesome article!
I think it is so cool when dads are involved in their daughter’s sports. My husband embraced horses for our daughter and she was better for the involvement even though he knew nothing about the sport. He did make sure that she had all of the tack organized and built her jumps so she could practice.
I always saw lots of dance dads at my daughter’s competitions, but my husband was never one of them. Kudos to those who do it!
I give such credit to the guys who do – they’re really taking one for the team!
My daughter is a classically trained dancer. She never danced in competitions, but she has had the privilege of dancing with boys! Including partnering!
It’s great when we see some gentlemen! Competition dance is so female-dominated, so the boys add a little extra something. Thanks!
This is a wonderful post! Seeing men support their children in a dance realm is very special!
I agree that a lot of dads just don’t understand girl things and don’t care to learn. My best friend growing up only had a dad and somewhere in her family lineage they were Lebanese so she participated in Lebanese dancing and he was always involved since he was the only parent. I can’t really name any other dad that has done that.
It’s so wonderful that he supported her! Many dads just leave it all to the moms (when there is one), assuming that they have no place getting involved.
I love this!! I don’t have a daughter (yet), but I can see my husband stepping up to help out in these ways!
I hope he does when it’s his time! Thanks for commenting!
Gotta love a dad that shakes his groove thang! Shout out to the dads!
It great when dad’s can be supportive this way.
That is a good dad to build a barre!
That is a good dad to build a barre!
I love the idea of a dad’s dance. My daughters would love watching their dad do something like that.
Very touching post!
Thank you!
Yes, great advice! I think plenty of dads are looking to step up in all different ways that weren’t always common before, but don’t always know how.
True! It’s great that men are becoming more comfortable filling roles that were traditionally taken care of by women. We have guys who sew, help plan parties, and help put together goody bags. Thanks for weighing in!
Love to see these Dad’s encouraging their “dancers” – Great real people photos!
I was so excited that the families let me use the photos in the post! Thanks!
I just love seeing involved dads, whether it be dance dads or some other passion that their children are involved in. As a teacher, I know this is support is critical. And yes: if a family is without an involved dad, try to spread out through your tribe!
Our family was never involved in dance, but, with 2 daughters, we were very heavily involved in Girl Scouting. My husband was a card-carrying GS, led workshops for the girls about car care, and scooped up all the girls who didn’t have Dads, or whose Dads didn’t want to participate in the Father-Daughter Dance. My girls and many other girls loved him for this.
Dads who are involved in their daughters’ activities, and Moms who are involved in their sons’ traditionally male pursuits are doing the right thing by honoring their children, and being true parents. What a shame, if this seems extraordinary.
It’s true that some dads jump right in without a second thought while others are more reluctant. The ones who are active participants in their kids’ lives will reap benefits from it for the rest of their lives. Thank you for your comment!
Yep, my husband did all that! My daughter was in dance from age 4 to 18. She did it all, company, the Nutcracker, and competitions, solos, duets, group dances. Husband made props, helped back stage at performances, etc. I miss those days actually, she graduated two years ago and is now in college in another state! I do not miss the business and the cost though. Great post to inform the dads of what they could be getting into!
Almost every parent I talk to whose children graduated from dance say something similar – even though it was a crazy time, they miss it terribly (except the bills, lol).
My brother in law does an amazing job with my nieces although my sister handles most of the dance fun. He is always helping whenever he can and it is great to see how much joy that brings to his girls.
That’s fantastic! I’m sure those girls will remember how he was always there for them.
We hear a lot about dance moms so I really enjoyed this homage to the dance dads of the world. Go Dads and dance daughters! So sweet!
Thank you!
I grew up in dance and sports and my dad did so well with all the different things parents need to do! 🙂
That’s great! My father was there for all of my activities (as much as he could be, with working multiple jobs). He was even our team dad when I coached dance as an adult! Thanks for the comment!
I love this! I see dads so much at dance. It’s so cute and welcome! My husband hasn’t had the opportunity to get to involved but I’m sure he is willing!
Those dad’s do play such a vital role. And their daughters will remember the encouragement and support that they showed, throughout their lives.
Something the entire family can embrace. Nice!
What a great nod to the Dad’s who step up for any activity! Nicely said.
Thank you!
What a great post to highlight the importance of dads and male figures in a predominately female world. As I was reading (loved the sibling hug picture), I thought about all the opportunitities moms and dads have to support their child’s sports. My husband supported our daughter’s cheerleading and gymnastic days, and I was always there to support our sons’ baseball, hockey, football, and basketball activities. Being there to support our kids, regardless of the sport, is part of showing our support. Great post!
Thank you! My dad was always working when I was younger, but I remember how thrilled I was when he made it to my softball games. As an adult, I became a dance coach and my father came to virtually every practice and helped in any way he could. Now that he’s gone, I am so thankful that I have those memories to cherish.
This is so sweet. I love all of the support that your families provides your dancer…
For some, it’s truly a family affair! Thanks for weighing in!
We have had some AMAZING dance dads on our team over the span of 15 years. It was so nice to see that involvement!
That’s great! So good to hear.
So neat! It’s great to have dads involved!