Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst

When young children first dip their toes in the waters of extracurricular activities, signing up for a team is a relatively simple undertaking.  For most, you just need to complete a registration form, pay a fee, sign a waiver, and that’s it!  Every child “makes” the team, everyone has a chance to play, and participation awards are given to each child that showed up (even if it was just once).  In general, it’s a feel-good, proud memory for all involved.

Making the Cut

As they get older, though, the stakes become higher.  At this point, teams are becoming more competitive.  That means the coaching staff, director, or other adult-in-charge makes more careful selections Places are given only to those that will contribute positively to the team.  In most cases, your child will be required to try out or audition for one of those coveted spots.

Of course, this is typically the case with dance teams.  Because they will be competing, studio owners and directors need to evaluate the kids that are vying for a spot on “company.”  Candidates will need to attend auditions or tryouts, where they are expected to showcase their best abilities.  The experience itself can be tough, but then comes the waiting…

The Waiting Game

Often, we dance families don’t hear the results of the evaluations right away.  We might wait days, weeks, or even months to hear the final decision.  During this time, our kids’ emotions can vary wildly. Some could be nervous wrecks, while others care so little that they actually forget about it altogether.  

As the mothers of these hopefuls, our emotional state can often take a beating when uncertainty looms in the air.  I don’t know of any good parent that wants to see their child put everything on the line, but ultimately fail.  Of course, we want our children to succeed and be fulfilled.  

But having lived as long as we have, we understand that there will be harsh disappointments that our kids will face.  We’ll be the center of the emotional support system that kicks into gear if the result is a rejection.  Because we’ll also be dealing with our own reactions, it becomes even more difficult to be the pillar of strength that our child will need if things go south.

A Little Advice

The best advice I can give is to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.  Whatever your reaction is to either outcome, remember that your child is watching you.  

If it’s a positive result, focus on how hard they worked to EARN that spot (rather than mentioning natural talent).  Remind them of the commitment they’re making to the school, their teammates, and themselves, and be sure the whole family is on board with making the year a success.  Then celebrate alongside them!

If your child has been cut from the team, it’s so easy to give in to knee-jerk reactions.  Instead, model graceful acceptance, and formulate a plan to move forward.  Is it possible to audition for another team?  Would your child benefit from taking a year off?  Can she or he use the time to seek out private training opportunities, or create a plan to work on skills at home? 

If your child needs time to mourn, giving them some space and time might be what works best for a while before enacting any further course of action. But avoid letting them wallow in self-pity for too long, which will make it harder for them to get back up on the proverbial horse.

As my son wisely said back when he was three years old, “It’s so hard to wait.”  It certainly is, but we can use that time to prepare ourselves to react to the news in a supportive, encouraging way.

When your children want more independence, it’s sometimes hard for us parents to let go. In With Wings and Wheels, I describe my son’s latest foray into adulthood.

For five tips on how to help your child cope with rejection, visit Didn’t Make the Team? 5 Tips to Help Your Child Cope.