As we headed into the final stretch of the 2023 dance season, my daughter Jayden told me that she would be leaving the competitive dance team at her studio. At first, I didn’t want to believe it; she had said things in the past that hinted that she might quit, but then she wound up returning. She and her identical twin Jocelyn had always been successful, and it was difficult to understand why she wouldn’t want to be a part of it all any more.
Jayden had attended her dance school since she was two years old, was invited to be a part of the team at five, and was barely six when she started competing. She and Jocelyn formed a duo when they were seven and received solos at eight. Thinking about her not being a part of our dance life anymore was painful, and I found myself wishing that she was going through a phase that would soon (hopefully) pass.
But this time…
But there was something different during 2023; it felt more “real” when she said she was done. She was more decisive, and everything felt like it had an element of finality to it. She was ending her time in middle school, and had begun voicing interest in trying new things. So as tough as it was, I accepted her decision and she parted ways with the company team in the summer of 2023.
For the first year, she loved her newfound freedom. But over time, I watched her attitude change. And in the spring of 2025, she made a decision that would change her life again: She would return to the dance team she left.
I asked her to share her experience with my audience, and she agreed (and it only took several months for her to answer these questions, lol). Here is what she had to say:
Let’s recap – why did you leave the competitive dance team two years ago?
I felt like I was stuck in a cycle that I couldn’t get out of, which made me feel tuned out for the last few years of competition dance. Every little thing would set me off, and I would not enjoy what was there because I was so used to the idea of it. I felt like I wasn’t getting out of it all the effort and time I was putting into it. I became numb to everything.
What have you been up to these past two years?
Trying new sports and focusing on academics. I had to learn how to manage my time with all my activities while still being involved in school. My first year off the team I went to a performing arts school, which I still danced at for an hour and a half each day. We would mostly do ballet and modern, which didn’t appeal to me as much as a competitive team would. I also attended eight hours of class a week at my studio doing “rec” classes.
Last year, I cut back to only three hours at the studio, and transferred out of the performing arts school. It was strange to me to be doing four sports: dance, track, soccer, and gymnastics, and I still had more time off then I did when I was on a competitive dance team. I caught myself slacking academically, because I was not as busy as I used to be (which made me unmotivated).
Describe the experience of living in a dance-centric household while not being an active participant in it.
It left me feeling out of the mix. Conversations were always focused around dance, which I felt like I had nothing to add. For the first year, I thought negatively about it and would only add my negative view on the topic of conversation.The second year I knew I missed it, so then did I start seeing the positives again.
Let’s cut to the chase – why are you returning to the team?
College dance has always been a dream of mine, even when I was little. My mother, sister, and I would always watch the college nationals on TV together. I also found a new passion for it because I realized, when I stepped away, how much I missed it and how huge of an impact it had on me and the person it shaped me to be. I saw a new determination for it to be a success because before I quit I viewed it as a chore, rather than something I got to do because I wanted to do it.
Once you made that decision, what steps did you take to prepare yourself to rejoin the team?
Before I told anyone outside my family, I started to work out at the gym (similar exercises as one would do in dance class). After having a discussion with my dance teachers, I started to take privates with them to improve my skills and get back to where I was.
What has been the hardest obstacle to overcome?
The toughest thing to overcome has been my mind telling me I’ll never catch up. Watching everyone around me continue to grow while I knew I had to get to their level was a constant worry in my mind that I wouldn’t reach where I wanted to be.
In your opinion, how successful do you think you’ve been with catching back up?
I think I’ve been pretty successful in catching up to my team and the expectation I had for myself. Once I started to do it regularly, everything sort of fell into place.
Do you have any regrets?
No, because I think that I definitely needed the time away which only made me miss it more and be my motivator to get better. I saw what I wanted to accomplish and I feel that if I never took the time off, I wouldn’t have worked as hard.
What are your hopes for the next 2 years?
I want to enjoy my last few years with my team and improve my technique. I also want to finish out my time as a dancer on a college team, so hopefully getting into a D1 or D1A college dance team.
What advice would you give to dancers that take a break from competing, but want to rejoin their team down the road?
Take as much time as you need off, but be prepared to put in more work than everyone else; you will probably be behind, and need to work harder than everyone else.
