Abby Lee Miller – Friend or Foe to the Dance World?

Update (June 7, 2020): Lifetime has announced that they have canceled Abby Lee’s Virtual Dance-Off because of accusations that she made racist remarks to a 7 year-old African American girl. If Dance Moms returns for Season 9, Miller will not appear on the show.

Abby Lee Miller just opened another round of auditions for those seeking to gain her attention in Dance Moms:  Abby’s Virtual Dance Off (but as of this writing, she has chosen not to extend her contract with Lifetime; at this point, I’m not sure what the future of this casting call is now).  Bolstered by dreams of fame, fortune, and/or glory, dancers have been flocking to the site to prepare and enter their submissions.  After all, every kid wants to be an ALDC dancer…or do they?

“Everyone’s replaceable.”

There is no question that Abby Lee is an extremely polarizing figure in the competitive dance community.  The show that made her a star, Dance Moms on the Lifetime Network, started as a six-episode documentary before evolving into the format that most of us are familiar with (the infamous pyramid, rushing through new group and solo numbers each week, withering criticism, and watching grown adults screech like toddlers in the middle of a tantrum). 

Back then, it was more of a real peek behind the curtain of the competitive dance world, and some of the drama that was naturally born of high-pressure, high-stakes situations.  But as the network pushed the show forward, the antics got more outrageous and controversial.  It became a worldwide guilty pleasure, and has spawned several spin-offs and sister series.

“Save your tears for your pillow”

If you listen to Abby Lee Miller directly, she had little (or nothing) to do with the show’s more dramatic, staged elements.  For example, the notorious pyramid was not her invention, but rather was the brainchild of network suits (according to Abby).  As the show featured more and more of her harsh, confidence-melting insults, she turned to blaming the show’s editing team for focusing more attention on those negative interactions in later episodes. 

She completely owns her abrasive approach to coaching children, citing former students that have gone on to have successful careers in dance (and begging the question, “Does the end justify the means?”). But she insists that the first, second, and fifteenth times she gave a dancer the same correction were left on the cutting room floor, and that the episode only featured her meltdowns after her patience was thoroughly tested.  So the Abby we know from the show is not exactly the person the real-life Abby would have us believe.

“I don’t want to hear the word ‘can’t.'”

Before the show debuted in 2011, competition dance was virtually nonexistent in the entertainment world.  Unless you or your child were directly involved in it, you had little or no idea how it worked.  But now, even people on the fringes of civilization have learned what a solo is, that overalls are not just a type of garment, and a title might have nothing to do with a book.  For that, Abby Lee Miller can claim some credit. 

Also, the show and its cast made the term “dance mom” a household term (albeit with a largely negative connotation, thanks to the way the mothers on the show were often portrayed).  But while some outsiders hold competitive dance in higher regard because of the show, others deem it as ridiculous and staged as the series.

My daughters’ studio competed at Fierce in Pennsylvania in March of 2019; our school was sought after for the competition because of the ALDC. As I understand it, the show’s “people” heard that we had placed above a studio that had beaten the ALDC in a prior competition, so they wanted to go against “the best of the best.”  The experience was…well…something else, lol.

I will say this:  Abby took countless pictures with kids and parents, allowing herself to be absolutely swarmed, and gave numerous compliments (even if she sometimes seemed to be keeping the bile in her throat at bay).  At one point, she did snap rudely at one of our mothers that had the audacity to (gasp!) request a picture with her daughters (“Can’t your girls speak for themselves?”). 

At the end of the event, my girls’ junior team had won first place overall (besting her junior team) so she congratulated our dancers directly in the hall after the awards show.  Our costumes caught her eye as well, and she said (with thinly-veiled frustration), “Well, now you can go and tell the whole world that you beat Abby Lee!” In my head, I answered, “Oh, we totally will, don’t worry!“

A Love-Hate Relationship

We dance families know the blood, sweat, and tears it takes to put a quality routine on the floor.  And we also know that there is enough drama that we don’t need to manufacture any artificial tension.  As parents that try our best, many of us would have serious reservations about allowing our children to be at the mercy of Abby Lee Miller.  But love her or hate her, she had a hand in bringing competitive dance into the mainstream, and helps us to better appreciate the patient, supportive instructors that our families have been blessed to work with.

For episodes, click here.

Work hard, have fun! – Danielle

If your dancer’s school has a toxic environment, it might be time to move on. For that and other signs, read Time To Say Goodbye, Part 1.