Just Take the Dang Class!

Earlier this year, my daughter attended 24seven dance convention and competition at the Meadowlands Hilton in New Jersey. As anyone that has been there knows, standing on the Starbucks line near the lobby is an exercise in patience. So rather than wait while all of the teen and senior dancers (and their caffeine-seeking mamas) were grabbing a refreshment before classes started, I figured I would wait until the sessions began. 

Well, what seemed like a smart idea at the time turned out to be a bust. During the third class of the day, I headed to get some goodies for me and my girl. Much to my surprise, tons of dancers were already waiting in line! 

I was so confused. Wasn’t there a class in session at this very moment? Why were so many dancers here? After a couple of minutes, I got my answer. One girl’s mother spotted her in line and asked, “Why aren’t you in class?” The girl giggled and responded, “It’s tap, and I suck at tap!” The rest of the girls in her group nodded their assent, and said things like, “Yeah, me too!” 

Missed Opportunities

Inwardly, I groaned. I thought of a few reasons why all of these frappe-craving kids should have been in class. First of all, ducking out of classes is disrespectful to the instructor. If you’re thinking, “Ah, they won’t notice if my kid isn’t there,” that’s not necessarily true. Hand to God, the tap teacher actually said, “Where is everybody?” during his class (I heard it myself). 

Secondly, your child has a better chance of booking a professional job if they have experience with as many genres as possible. Don’t even think about auditioning for the Rockettes without some tap skill! Employers want versatile dancers, so every tool your kid can have in their toolbox increases their chances of scoring a gig in the future. 

Now, I realize that most of our kids will not dance beyond college (or even high school). So it is easy to dismiss the importance of rounding out your dancer’s skill set with a genre they’re not particularly strong in (or have little interest in). But consider the other, perhaps more important, reasons that you should encourage your child to take that difficult class.

Let Them Struggle

Critics of our generation have invoked the words “helicopter” and “lawnmower” to describe our parenting styles. While it is easy to feel insulted, there just might be some truth to this assessment. From my own experience, I must admit that I have fought harder for my kids than my late parents ever did for me. I had to struggle through countless tough situations on my own. While it seemed ridiculously unfair at the time, I can now see it through a parent’s lens; learning to overcome roadblocks has helped me to handle most situations with little (if any) outside assistance. 

As parents, our natural instincts usually compel us to help our kids, even fix their problems for them. But at some point, we are doing them a disservice by removing the obstacles they face. Doing so robs them of the chance of developing their own problem-solving skills. And we know how much they will need to rely on those skills to get themselves through life.

Yes, you might feel guilty as you watch them experience the range of negative emotions: frustration, anger, disappointment, even betrayal. But it is better to let them learn how to handle these strong feelings now (when they have your guidance and support) than kicking the can down the road. 

The Disadvantages of “Comfortable”

Smarter people don’t necessarily have larger brains. Rather, their brains are more connected by neural pathways, allowing them to process information more quickly and efficiently. But how do we make that happen for our kids?

In my non-dance-mom life, I’m a social emotional learning teacher. I teach my students that one of the ways that we can create new neural pathways is to try new and challenging things! The brain grows more when we struggle, rather than when we do something that we already know how to do (or that comes easily to us). So if your child is having a tough time in hip hop class, they can remind themselves that their brain is benefitting from working hard to process the new information. 

Plus, when we become more comfortable being outside our comfort zone, we will be more likely to take steps to expand our horizons in the future. Personally, I want to raise kids who aren’t afraid to tackle new challenges, and who don’t let a fear of failure hold them back from experiencing life. If we only allow them to stick to familiar territory, we’re indirectly communicating to them that they should avoid situations in which they might struggle to find success.

Ah, To Be Young Again…

Let’s face it – trying new things is easier for young people than for us older folks. This is the time in our kids’ lives that they should be testing the waters to find what they’re passionate about. By allowing them to take advantage of growth opportunities (like a ballroom or contemporary fusion class), they can experiment to find what they do (and don’t) like. But in order for that to work, they have to give things a REAL shot. 

Perseverance Through Pain

Remind your kids that they’re not the only ones who will have a tough time. More than likely, a number of dancers that are unfamiliar with the genre will be struggling alongside them. Instead of expecting their performances to be perfect, they should focus on making PROGRESS. Teach them to worry only about their own selves, and to avoid comparing themselves to other students. By turning their attention inward, they can better develop the characteristic of perseverance. Without it, they are more likely to give up when faced with a difficult obstacle.

My Two Cents

I know that, as a mom that loves her kids fiercely, I feel conflicted when I watch my kids wrestle with something difficult or unfamiliar. I have to actively remind myself that learning to tough it out is for their own good, as cliche as that sounds. They will need to learn that giving up is hardly ever the right path, and that the only person that they will consistently be able to count on is themselves. So they should make every effort to develop strength, toughness, resilience, determination, and self-reliance. That’s something that all of us parents should want for our children.

So go ahead and just take the dang class, kids.

When things get tough, your child can be their own cheerleader with Positive Self-Talk for Dancers.