Think Happy Thoughts

New dance moms, beware:  Your precious, sweet, innocent little angel has the potential to turn into a vile, hate-filled demon of hell in the dressing room on a performance day.

“WHAT did she just say?!”

During my girls’ first year competing, a child from another studio absolutely harpooned her mother in front of everyone else in the dressing room.  I swear, you could almost taste the venom oozing from every vicious word she spat out.  Her frazzled mother tried (unsuccessfully) to soothe her snarling offspring, placating her with promises of a milkshake when she was all done with her solo.  

Vividly, I remember walking by them, completely unable to draw my eyes away from the scene.  I recall thinking, “There’s no WAY my kids will EVER talk to me like that!”  

Knock on wood, my girls’ behavior has never risen to that level of insanity.  But I have seen their nerves get the better of them.  We’ve had a few instances, when tensions were high, when they took their frustrations out on each other. 

Stressed Out

What is it about a performance day that tends to bring on some of the worst behavior our kids have to offer?  Oh right, stress.  

Let’s be honest:  Performing kids (whether it be dancing, acting, singing, or some other type of entertainment) can feel the burden of pressure weighing on them heavily before they take the stage.  All eyes will be on them, after all, and they are fully aware of the high expectations that their well-meaning friends, relatives, and dance family have placed on them. 

Because of this, experienced dance moms can reasonably predict how their dancing child will handle the pressures of the day.  While that does not mean that we welcome bad behavior (or even excuse it), we know what to expect to some degree.

Strategies

In the beginning, I would use the “I’m not screwing around so get your butt in line” Mom tone of voice when things started taking a turn for the worse.  I would throw the hammer down early, so to speak, making it clear that I was taking no prisoners. 

One time, when one twin was truly testing my patience while I was trying to do her hair, I had to pull out the big guns.  I smiled devilishly, leaned down, and sweetly whispered in her ear, “Okay, no problem. We’ll just leave your hair as is and you can explain to your teacher that your mom couldn’t do your hair because you had a complaint about the way it was getting done.”  Thankfully, the crap was cut pretty quickly.

The temptation to absolutely unleash H-E-double hockey sticks on my girls does rear its head once in a while.  But losing my cool, while it may feel cathartic in the moment, accomplishes very little in the long run.  First of all, yelling tends to escalate tension instead of soothing it.  Secondly, it’s our responsibility as adults to model desirable behavior.  Watching their mother throw her own tantrum reinforces the destructive idea that this is the way a grown woman should handle pressure.  

On the rare occasions that one of my sweet little cherubs begins acting out, I try to take a deep breath, connect with my inner Rafiki, and chill the heck out.  After all, we’re ALL under a lot of pressure. And for later, there’s wine…

How will your daughter behave? Check out this meme if she’s Feelin’ Cute!

Need some quick ways to unwind? Take a look at these.