Hair-Do Or Do Not

We dance moms wear many hats throughout the year – we are chauffeurs, chefs, financiers, makeup artists, organizers, seamstresses, first aid providers, and general, all-around problem solvers.  On any given dance day, we may be called upon for one, two, three, or all of these skills.  Being a jack of all trades is a dance mom requirement, and we’re expected to handle all situations (foreseen or not) with a cool calmness that belies the inner turmoil we may be feeling inside.  But even just one weak area, one chink in our armor, can derail the day.  

I can’t do hair.

There, I said it (and if anyone is wondering, no, I don’t feel better after that confession).

Master of None

Hair styling is one of the most frequently used skills in a dance mom’s set.  When our dancing girls are little, we are typically the ones that fashion those buns for ballet class (happy is the day when they figure out how to do it themselves!).  On performance days, it falls to us to create the hairstyle that is required of the team.  Capable moms whip those strands into buns, braids, twists, ponytails, and anything else that the studio owner wants.  Those of us that are less skilled, however, dread the moment when we’ll be tasked with doing the ‘do.  

When my girls started on the competition team six years ago, they needed French braids that ended into a twisted-up “spray” of hair.  For someone that has only half-heartedly ever attempted to French braid hair (and gave up within about five minutes), this was a terrifying thought.  Even though the studio gave us a class and some instruction, I simply could not get my fingers to separate, twist, and tug the right way.  My girls’ hair looked puffed and pillowed, and the braids fell out exactly 3 seconds after I put them in (okay, I might be exaggerating a little here).  No matter what I tried, I just couldn’t make it work.  

A Sense of Self-Doubt

Most times, I’m fairly confident in most of my abilities.  I have a decent amount of accomplishments under my belt, both professionally and personally, so my brain knows that I am not completely useless.  But as I watched the other mothers create the perfect hairdo while drinking coffee, carrying on conversations, solving quadratic equations (sorry, getting dramatic here), I couldn’t help but feel that I was completely out of my depth.

Thankfully, other moms stepped in and helped me with the French braids that year and the next year (as much as you may not want to, smart dance moms know when to ask for backup. Read more in Sharing the Load.).  

The Mohawk

In the girls’ third year of competition dance, we were told that our Littles would be wearing the same hairstyle the rest of the company did.  The style was known as “The Mohawk,” and it inspired fear in even the most hair-skilled moms among us.  The Mohawk is a series of flower buns that run along the head from front to back, and a little “pouf” rests right above the dancer’s forehead.  I was absolutely petrified.  During the class the studio held for us uninitiated, the other moms shot me pitying looks from across the room to solidify my self-doubt.  The team mom came over to take a look at my efforts, and offered an encouraging but soul-killing, “Don’t worry, you’ll get it.”  In other words, my complete and utter failure was on full display for everyone to see.

So I did what any dedicated dance mom would; I bought a mannequin head to practice on (and named her Yolanda), so that my daughters would not need to endure countless hours of yanking, tugging, and tears.  Two other dance moms and I arranged get-togethers on Friday nights with our girls so that we could practice and commiserate with one another (there MAY have been some spirits served as well, which doesn’t really help with coordination).  With time and practice, I was eventually able to master it.

Plot Twist

Flash to four years later, when our studio director was conducting our yearly company team meeting prior to competition season.  She announced that we would be doing a new hairstyle this year, and I felt my heart drop into my stomach.  I unmuted myself on the Zoom call and half-jokingly called out, “But I just ‘got’ The Mohawk!”  Outwardly, I laughed along with everyone else; inside, however, my stomach was twisting itself into knots.  Knowing that I have no real hair skills and would need months to practice whatever new ‘do was coming, I felt a pang of regret when I realized that I had thrown out Yolanda, the mannequin head I had practiced The Mohawk on (“I can get rid of this – I totally have the hairstyle DOWN!” I thought with foolish pride, at the time).  

Contingency Plans

Thankfully, I had asked my much-more-skilled sister Jamie to watch the Zoom call with me when an obliging mother demonstrated the technique (because of the Dutch braid “crown” the style has, I’ve dubbed it “King’s Landing” in a nod to the styles worn by the ladies from that area in Game of Thrones).  Jamie has very generously offered to do the girls’ hair when she can, and other moms have reached out to me as well.  I’m fairly confident my girls will be taken care of in the hair department this year.

But knowing that there may be times when others might not be available to help, I did what any other self-respecting dance mom would do; I bought another mannequin head, nicknamed her Svetlana (okay, other moms probably wouldn’t do that part), and have resolved to practice on her whenever I can.  

If nothing else, I need to feel like I am doing everything in my power to be there for my kids.  And in the meantime, I’ll get by with a little help from my friends (and sister).

Work hard, have fun! – Danielle

For everything you might need for that hairstyle, check out Competition Essentials – Hair Supplies!

When I first learned of the hairstyle change, this was my reaction: It’ll Be Okay, Maybe.