Divide By Pi…

This meme first appeared on my Facebook page on February 5, 2019.

Ah, it’s September again.  The leaves are beginning to turn beautiful shades or red, orange, and gold.  Pumpkins and vibrant mums are beginning to adorn the steps of the homes in your neighborhood, and friends are posting about their lovely family excursions to the apple orchards for a day of fruitful (yes, pun intended) picking.  The aroma of pumpkin spice everything is in the air, as is an invigorating crispness that heralds the coming of cooler weather.  You close your eyes, inhale deeply, and a smile begins to form on your lips, feeling at peace with Mother Earth as she prepares herself for her annual slumber.

This bubble of Zen bursts the night before the first day of school (if not sooner).  All of a sudden, you’re inundated with supply lists, official forms to sign, due dates, soccer emails, and dance schedules.  But wait!  You’ve just noticed that your son’s football practice conflicts with the drop-off time for your dancer’s ballet class (which is five towns over, uphill both ways).  Hold on!  When is Back to School Night?!  You realize with horror that, as the commitments mount, you’re double- and triple-booked multiple nights per week.  To add to the panic, a notification pops up on your calendar.  Oh no!  You totally forgot about those dentist appointments you made six months ago!  How could you have thought that SEP-FREAKIN-TEMBER would be a good time to squeeze those in?!  And NEVER MIND thinking about when laundry, dishes, and cooking get done!  That’s what paper plates and GrubHub are for, after all (can’t help you with the laundry, which is the grown-up version of The Neverending Story).  For a brief, deluded second, you think of asking your kids to pitch in…yeah, that didn’t last long.

I learned quite a bit in college (my social security number, for one thing), but what would have been REALLY useful is a course designed to be a mom.  I’m not talking about the “how to take care of your newborn” type of class.  No, I’m thinking of something WAY more practical, like how to coordinate your busy kids’ extracurricular schedules.  It’s going to take at least a whiteboard, dry erase markers, a calendar app installed on every family member’s phone, multiple college degrees, an abacus, a slide rule, a protractor, a compass, several electronic devices, and a good deal of liquid refreshment.  THAT type of instruction would have been time well spent, rather than learning about useless stuff (true story:  I had to take a gym-type class, so I opted for golf.  While golf has its place in society, I’m a little peeved that I had to spend college tuition money on driving some balls across the campus green).  I guess there are just some things that you can’t prepare for; motherhood is baptism by fire, and learning to fly by the seat of your pants is the modus operandi most of us have adopted.

Somehow, us moms are able to accomplish nearly anything and everything.  Just remember to never let them see you sweat (and don’t forget your planner).

Wishing for a rare moment of stress-free bliss? I found one this year: Not a Care in the World.

Work hard, have fun! – Danielle