10 tips to motive and support your dancer at home
Blog Posts,  Dancing At Home

10 Tips to Motivate and Support Your Dancer At Home

May 6, 2020
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“Ugh, I don’t wanna…”

Is this the response you’ve gotten from your dancer when you reminded him or her that it’s time to take a virtual dance class? If so, you’re not alone. So much about the quarantine situation has left kids (and adults) feeling helpless, alone, and unmotivated. An activity that they were utterly passionate about just a month or so ago can feel like an unwanted burden to them now. But one of the most constructive things we can do as parents is to encourage them to continue nurturing their bodies, minds, and souls with dance. In most cases, that’s a lot easier said than done. Knowing when to push and when to pull back can be a difficult balancing act for a parent, but it’s our job to make an effort to keep them connected and engaged.

#1  Set the schedule (and print it out)

The night before, create and print a schedule of the next day’s activities (including dance classes).  Hang it up in or near your home’s “hub,” like the fridge, next to a large calendar, a cork board, etc.  Make sure it is on display first thing in the morning (or better yet, the night before).  Older children can be given the responsibility of creating their own calendar themselves.  We use Google Docs for this; I create it and share this with all stakeholders, and they can add their academic commitments as well. 

Sample Schedule in Google Docs
An example of a family’s daily schedule, created in Google Docs.

Why is this helpful?  Setting the expectations earlier, rather than later, can help your children prepare themselves for their roles and responsibilities each day.  If they planned to relax and play on the Xbox, but you come in with a harsh, frantic “You need to get ready!  It’s time for ballet!” you will most not likely be met with unbridled enthusiasm (“Golly, thank you ever so much for reminding me!  Gee whiz, I’m so lucky I have such a wonderful mother!”).  Also, by pointing to the calendar when they protest, you’re taking a bit of the heat off of yourself (“Hey listen, it’s on the calendar.  I don’t make the schedule”).  

#2  Social media motivation

Two girls at the ballet barre
They are REALLY AWFUL at trying to hold in the giggles.

Does your tween or teen have an account with TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, or one of those hip apps (I’m pretty sure by using the word “hip,” I have just proven that I am not)?  Offer to take pictures during class to post and share with the studio and their dance friends.  If they (and you) are really into it, you can do a bit of pre-planning and figure out what angle you’re going for (i.e., “Tilt Tuesday” or “Fouette Friday”).  Suggest that they start a challenge with their friends for extra motivation!

#3 Begin with the end in mind

I’m borrowing a page from Stephen Covey’s book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens here.  As we would drive to the studio each afternoon, I’d ask my girls what their goals were for that day’s classes.  If they said something like, “I want to get called out in ballet today,” I’d remind them that this particular goal is a bit out of their hands (their execution might be stellar, but the instructor might not address it for whatever reason), and encourage them to focus on something within their reach (“I’m going to use my turnout consistently during barre work today”).  This exercise still holds value, even when the classes are virtual.  Just remember to let your child formulate his or her goals (people, including kids, are much more likely to work towards an objective if it came from within themselves).  After classes, you can initiate a gentle, low-pressure chat to have your dancer evaluate their success in achieving his/her goal.  If your dancers do not want to discuss these goals with anyone, they can write them in a journal or dance notebook; this format also allows them to write a follow-up reflection after class.  As long as these exchanges are kept casual and “light,” they can be constructive opportunities for growth.

#4 Celebrate success

At the end of each night, I would ask my girls to tell me something good that happened to them during their classes.  Even though we’re home, we still follow this ritual.  It helps them to focus on the positives, and gives them a chance to celebrate a personal triumph.  They can’t wait to tell me about getting complimented on something they’ve worked hard on.  Success begets success, so give them a place to share their accomplishments.

#5 Vision board

Creating a vision board can be a great motivator and creative outlet for your dancer.  Vision boards encapsulate the maker’s dreams and wishes, and can serve as an attention-grabbing reminder of the goals that he or she has established (this article explains some of the science behind it).  Pinterest is dripping with suggestions and examples for making a vision board!  They can be neat and organized, or more of a freewheeling collage-style creation; they can include pictures of a movement they want to master, inspirational quotes, photos of personal heroes, etc.  The possibilities are endless!

#6 Watch the pros

Do a little digging and find some online videos of professional dancers doing their thang (is “thang” still a “thing”?)!  There are resources that provide free viewings of Broadway shows,  ballet company performances, hip-hop crew routines, etc.  Watching school dance team performances, virtual dance competitions, and even college team audition videos can also be very motivating!

#7 True stories

Girls reading about Misty Copeland
Jocelyn reading Misty Copeland’s biography to Jayden.

Countless dancers have had to overcome adversity to realize their dream, and their biographies and autobiographies are a rich source of inspiration.  Most nights (after class and before bed), I would read a chapter or two from Michaela DePrince’s autobiography, Taking Flight.  The girls and I had many amazing discussions about some great life lessons (one of our favorites is along the lines of:  “Be thankful for the part you got, because there’s always someone else who would gladly take it”) and put our own problems in perspective when we compared ours with hers (she was an orphan from war-torn Sierra Leone).  Misty Copeland also has a biography that comes in a young reader’s edition (my girls started it, but didn’t finish yet); the poise and grace she exhibits now were forged through the tough trials she faced while growing up.  There are countless other well-known figures, both in and out of the dance world, that have inspiring stories that teach us about perseverance, determination, and grit, qualities that can help carry your dancer through this rough patch.

#8 Jump in with them

Yes, seriously.  Having someone alongside them can be the X factor that gets them going.  Potentially, it could help your dancer see the class in a whole new light as they watch you, a new student (for all intents and purposes), struggle to exhibit the mastery that he or she can easily showcase without breaking a sweat.  Taking you under his or her wing may give your dancer a renewed sense of purpose.  In some cases, it could provide a much-needed source of comic relief (no offense to any of you; I lump myself into this category).  If it’s a Zoom class or Google Meet where your dancer is on video, you may have to find a cozy corner to follow along so you’re not in the “shot” (which would obviously distract the teacher and other students).  Or you could take it a step further and suggest a “bring a parent/sibling” virtual class to the studio owner so other families can join in the fun!

#9 Dear me (in ten years) letter

Encourage your dancer to write a letter to the +10 year version of himself/herself.  Laying out the fears, hesitations, worries, and anxieties that are plaguing them, children can find this to be a very cathartic experience.  This is also a useful way to write down goals, hopes, desires, and dreams, and get them thinking seriously about how they can pave the path to the future they want.

#10 Phone a friend

I may be showing my age with this Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? reference, but oh well…If all else fails, you may consider reaching out to the studio owner or a trusted teacher.  Chances are, your dancer is not the only one struggling with this difficulty, so the professional may have a few tricks up the sleeve to pull the lost lambs back into the fold.  They may even offer to call your dancer to offer some words of praise, understanding, and encouragement, making your dancer feel more connected to the studio and beholden to his/her teammates.  

The bottom line…

Obviously, you know your child better than anyone else.  Take your cues from your kids to know when to keep up with the gentle prodding and when to turn down the intensity of your involvement.  This is NOT the time to play the heavy; our children are victims of the coronavirus plague, whether they are infected or not.  They have had to make unprecedented sacrifices, as have we all, and may feel powerless, angry, and confused.  Give them (and yourself) some grace, and keep the bonds of family strong.

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Work hard, have fun! – Danielle

What other suggestions do you have for parents of reluctant at-home dancers? Post your comments below!

Mind your manners! Remind your dancers that, even virtually, they are expected to mind their p’s and q’s, and read Virtual Dance Class Etiquette.

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Dance-coach-turned-dance-mom to identical twin competitive dancers!

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